Each A Mother

I realize that I talk a lot about motherhood on this blog. Mostly because that is what my whole life revolves around right now and because I've discovered a new passion and vision of eternal motherhood and womanhood that takes my breath away whenever I think about it. It is all I can do not to shout out to all the women I see at the grocery store (especially if they are pregnant), "WOW! Don't we have amazing bodies! Isn't the work God has for us to do here incredible!"

Yet I also realize that a good portion of the women who read my blog aren't married, some of you have chosen not to have children yet, and some are struggling with infertility. I also realize that some women who are mothers through adoption or "aunt"option ( I just made that word up... I like it:) haven't, for many different reasons, had the opportunity of being pregnant or giving birth.

I just want to bear my testimony that I know all women are mothers. I know that regardless of our ability to physically bear children we all have the same access to the divine power of our bodies and the ability to nurture and guide children to the light of Christ. I think that Sheri Dew explained it best. She said:

" ...While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord’s language, the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living”—and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality,righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood. Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us...

...Motherhood is not what was left over after our Father blessed His sons with priesthood ordination. It was the most ennobling endowment He could give His daughters, a sacred trust that gave women an unparalleled role in helping His children keep their second estate. As President J. Reuben Clark Jr. declared, motherhood is “as divinely called, as eternally important in its place as the Priesthood itself.” (Are We Not All Mothers, Ensign. Nov. 2001)

It is interesting to me that most of the stories about birth in the scriptures revolve around women's inability to have children. In fact I'd say that the trial of "bareness" is one that God has given to some of his strongest and most select daughters. Women like Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, the mother of Samson, the Shunamite, Hannah, and Elisabeth all struggled with extended periods of bareness. We don’t really know why some women aren’t able to bear children in this life, yet it is a beautiful promise to women to know that all women hold the seeds of divinity with in their bodies and someday, in this life or the next they will take root. Motherhood is something all women were foreordained with and it is part of their eternal nature and birthright.

The scriptures bear powerful testimony of this because in them we see that ALL, let me repeat that ALL, the women in the scriptures who are mentioned as "barren" eventually bear children of their own. Even women like Sarah and Elisabeth who were almost 100 years old, and with whom it would have been physically impossible for them to have children, bear sons from their bodies. It is God and God alone who opens or closes the womb. Remember the scripture in Isaiah 54: 1, 7 that says:

" Sing O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord... For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee."

It is my sincere hope that all the women who read my blog will realize that when I talk about motherhood, when I talk about birth, I am talking about it in the eternal sense of the word. Motherhood is more than just giving life to a child, it is more than nurturing-- it like Sheri Dew said, "the essence of who we are as women." We each have these divine seeds inside of us and regardless of our earthy experiences and opportunities, our position before God and our eternal blessings will be the same.

We truly are all mothers.

They are My Guests

Yesterday I was working on some pieces for my book project and I came across this quote that spoke directly to my heart:

“ … may I remind you, that these children did not come to you and ask you to give them bodies, they did not ask you sisters to become mothers and the men to become father of their earthy bodies. The Lord commanded, or course, that we should multiply and replenish the earth. But you, of your own volition, created the bodies for the spirits to take, and these little ones were gracious enough to come to the body you created. They are your guests. You, as hosts, owe to them all of the consideration, all of the love, all of the kindness, all of the patience and courtesy and all the other virtues that it is possible for you to give. They are here because you invited them to come. Thank God for their presence.”

- J. Reuben Clark, Jr. Relief Society Magazine, December 1955, pg. 792

How grateful I am that they were willing to come! When I remember that I am changing the diapers of a future Goddess and training a future God how to put his pants on, it sure makes my job feel much more glamorous. I needed this reminder... thanks J. Reuben Clark, Jr.

Rosie's first pony tail. I can't decide if it looks cute or silly.




These the 3D glasses I got when we went to go see Toy Story 3.
Asher loves them and still wears mine and his around the house whenever he finds them.

You Better Not Mess With Me... I Have a Powerful Allie

This message has already been circulating around on the "mommy blogs" I read and I was surprised when at least three or four of the women who posted it on their blog talked about how inadequate they felt as mothers.

Maybe it is because growing up I never wanted to be a mother, and so I'm already exceeding my expectations, but it surprised me that all these women, who in my eyes, are all exceptional mothers felt like they were falling short. I struggle a lot in my motherhood because it doesn't come natural for me-- I'm selfish, impatient, I have a temper, most days I forget to brush Asher's hair, when we go places my children are always out of control, I haven't mopped my kitchen floor in over a month (it is true), and I know my kids spend way too much time in front of the TV. Yet, I've never felt like I am falling short. I feel like God and my children know that I am learning and trying to do the best I can. In the end, I'm grateful that children (and God) are so willing to forgive and forget.

The thing I liked most about Elder Holland's talk was that he reminded me that my motherhood is a partnership with God. That gives me the chills to think about. How powerful to know that because I am doing His work God is my partner in giving life to and in raising my children. I know that in every decision that I make about motherhood-- starting with who to marry and make the father of my children, to where and how I should bring my children into the world, to how to nurture and admonish them, to how to prepare them for their eternal missions... God is my partner and I can turn to Him for power, direction, inspiration, and guidance.

I know that I've really benefited from reading the wonderful blog "Asking Jane" written by an LDS mother of 11 children. She is absolutely amazing and she constantly reminds me that motherhood is a spiritual calling and that I should rely more on God, the scriptures, and personal revelation for parenting advice than on books or next door neighbors (even though I have great neighbors ;). I love what she said on her interview with Bloom:

"In the end, I just did my best. I didn’t schedule time with each child. I absolutely loved spending time with my children. I genuinely did—so I think that for the most part, it just happened. I know it sounds unbelievable but I never really needed to get away. I loved taking one or two with me everywhere. I loved getting them in bed with me at night and reading. I couldn’t wait til they came home from school. I loved summer. They really had my whole heart and usually, that was enough."

It is that last part, "they really had my whole heart and usually, that was enough" that has really impacted me. I realize that the most important thing I can do for my children is 1) give them life and 2) love them with my whole heart, unconditionally... and that is really enough.

Do you notice that Asher's underwear is on backwards? He put it on himself and was so proud I didn't have the heart to tell him.

So Satan... just warning you but... you better not mess with me because, even though I make a lot of mistakes, I have the Omnipotent, Creator, and Lord of the Universe on my side! Ha, take that!

A Belated Mother's Day Post

I know I've been posting a plethora of videos lately, but I can't resist sharing this.

If you have in the slightest bit of nerd in you... or have ever taken a biology class... I think you will love this tribute to motherhood. I think this guy looks a little like my brother...



Thanks to Rixa for sharing it.

Babies

In what was a rare "girl's night out" my friend and I went to go see the new movie "Babies" on Friday night. " I've been so excited to see this ever since I saw the trailer several months ago. I don't really know why... maybe because I have a my own little nursling, because I am mildly obsessed with mothers and babies, or because it is just such an incredible idea to follow four babies from different places in the world through their first year of life.

The movie didn't disappoint me... I LOVED it. I loved watching how different each baby was born into the world-- they only showed snippets of labor for two of the babies but had newborn shots for each of them-- and how different their lives were. I think my favorite baby was the Mongolian baby because he was SO incredibly cute and he had a little brother who was about Asher's age. I felt like I could totally relate to the poor Mongolian mother who had these two crazy babies on her hands. At one point there is a clip of the older Mongolian brother whacking his little baby brother with a scarf. After each hit he stops and looks at the camera to see if he will get in trouble. He doesn't so he keeps doing it. I just laughed and thought "Ha, that is just like my house. I guess toddlers aren't much different in other parts of the world."

In fact, that is what I felt the strongest message of this movie was... that no matter where they live in this world-- be it a mud hut or a 30 story skyscraper-- no matter how they are dressed--- be it naked or in expensive designer clothing-- no matter where they learn to crawl-- be it in the dirt or on carpet-- babies are babies and they each have the same divine potential.

I also found myself feeling such a kinship and connection to the mothers who lived in other parts of the world. I felt that even though we wouldn't be able to speak the same language if we were to meet in real life we would be able to relate to each other. Our children would play together and we would be able to laugh and cry over the same milestones, the same mistakes and the same joys. I realized that no matter how a mother is dressed-- be it topless (like the African mother) or in expensive high heels-- no matter what our daily jobs are-- be it working in an office or milking a cow-- no matter where our children are born-- be it in a home or in the intensive care--- mothers are mothers and we each have the same divine potential and responsibility.

The other things that really struck me about the movie was that the Mongolian and the African baby spent most of their lives outside. There wasn't a clear cut line between "inside" and "outside" and their lives naturally followed into one and out of the other. On the other hand the American and the Japanese babies spent most of their time inside and going to the "outside" was always a big adventure complete with stroller, blankets, shoes and sunglasses. I'm not making a judgment call about which was better but it was very interesting and made me want to make sure my kids get more unscheduled time outside to explore and get dirty.

I also was struck by the fact that the Japanese and American babies didn't have siblings. I know this might just be because these were first children, but I still thought it was interesting and felt that it reflected different mentalities and life styles between the four families.

Everything about this movie intrigued me and if you can believe it this movie made me even more passionate about babies and mothers. I could talk about it for hours... so I better stop now and just say that I loved it and think you might too.

What Do You Think About Home School?

I don't necessarily agree or disagree with this cartoon, but I thought it brought up and interesting debate.
I am really interested to know people's honest opinions and experiences about how they made or are making their decision to school their children. So if this cartoon sparks something in you... please share.

Several months ago a friend invited me to go to with her to a workshop about how to home school your children. I've toyed around with the idea of home schooling my children but I've never been to dead set on it. I am a bit... okay a lot... intimidated by the idea. Yet then there is a part of me that gets so excited about it. So I went with her just to see what this home school thing is all about.

During our break I was in a group of experienced home school moms and I told them they had 5 minutes to convince me to be a home school mom. They did a pretty good job. They all spoke of how wonderful their teenagers were and how versatile they were. How they could interact really well with all sorts of people-- little children, their peers and adults-- and hadn't ever gone through the rebellious teenager phase. They also spoke about how much fun it was to home school and about what a great community of home schooling families there is in our area.Yet I think that their most convincing argument for me was:

1. Several of the moms (at least 1/3rd) had been trained as school teachers and had worked in the schools for several years. They had made the decision to home school their children because they knew that if they wanted to freedom to teach like they wanted, and if they wanted their children to get the best, absolutely the best education they would have to get it at home.
   

This argument really resonated with me as a doula because as a doula you get to see so many different ways to birth and almost all the doulas I know choose to give birth at home. I think this is because after seeing all the different possibilities for how to birth they come to realize that if they want the freedom to birth how they want then they need to have their baby at home.

There is something so innately holy and beautiful about the home and in a day in age when the family is so under attack I sort of like the idea of keeping my children tied closely to their family and to their home-- spiritually, physically and mentally.

Yet I do have some concerns about home schooling. I feel kind of strongly about public education and about making sure all children, no matter their situation, have a good education. I feel like taking my children out of public school would be a bit selfish because I could use the energy towards making public schools a good experience for all children. Also, I'm afraid of getting "mother burn out". Already, I sometimes fantasize about how nice it will be to send my children away for a good part of every day so that I have time for myself and time pursue some of my personal pursuits. Yet, then I remember that there really is no other job more important than being a mother and that the most important work I can do is to teach and lead my children to do what is good and right.

Basically.... I haven't decided on how I want to educate my children. I know I still have a couple of years before I have to make that decision, but I feel like something as important as how your kids are educated should be given a lot of thought. I think I am going to attempt a home school pre-school and see how it goes. I'll just take it one step at a time because... really, the idea of home schooling kind of scares the pants off of me. Yet then again so did the idea of having a home birth, but I conquered that one with God's help and gave birth pretty much fear free both times. I have no doubt that if God tells me that home school is what is right for my family that I will be able to do it and conquer my fears.

But... I haven't asked Him yet so I'm not quite sure what we'll do. Still I'd like to get other people's thoughts about schooling. How did you make the decision to educate your children?

If you home school your children (or are planning to) what are your reasons?

If you public school your children (or are planning to) what are your reasons?

Creating Disciples

I never wanted to me a mother who spanked her children. I got spanked as a child and while I don't think it scarred me permanently, it was humiliating and hurtful. Spanking has always seemed a bit hypocritical to me... why just because I'm bigger is it okay for me to get angry and hit him for hitting his sister... and I always told myself I wouldn't do it. Yet, several times in the last week when Asher has loved his sister way too violently and I'm afraid he might have inflicted permanent brain damage on her, I've lost my cool and pulled down his diaper and given him a good swat on the bottom. Almost immediately I've regretted it and watching him cry and tell me "no hit, mama no hit" has just about broken my heart. One particular time after I spanked him I looked into his tear filled eyes and the spirit whispered to my heart that if I kept this type of discipline up I would eventually loose this little boy when he was older.

That revelation scared me and since then I've really been praying and studying about how to be a good parent... specifically about how to teach my children self-control and how to listen and obey. I read a really great book called "The Soft Spoken Parent" by H. Wallace Goddard and he pointed out that God never really punishes us but that we just feel the consequences of our action. Instead God "nurtures" and "admonishes" us. I love those two words, nurture and admonish, they seem so much more doable to me than heavy words like "discipline" and "punish". I've been thinking a lot about nurturing and admonishing and feel like those are things I can do and feel good about. I can nurture the qualities I want to see in my son-- kindness, loving, gentleness, determination, honesty, integrity, curiosity-- by praising him, encouraging and rewarding good behaviors, being an example to him, and recognizing his divine talents and spirit. I can also admonish or correct those behaviors I don't want to see him develop--- force, spite, jealously, greed-- by teaching him what is right and wrong, modeling correct behaviors, chastising at times but then showing forth more love after wards. I can do those things!

The other big revelation I have had on discipline is that the root word of discipline is "disciple" and that no matter how hard I try I will never be able to "discipline" my son. He is the only one who can make himself a "disciple" and choose to follow and obey. I can't force or punish him to get him to do what is right. I can only nurture and admonish him and help guide him towards the true Light of Christ and... eventually... he will choose to do what is right and he will be a true disciple. I know that the world my two little ones will be growing up in is going to be wicked and hard, really hard, and that they are going to have internal discipline much earlier than I or my parents ever had to have and I want to help them develop that. I want them to have a discipline that comes deep from inside their souls so that when I am not around they will still know what is right and will want to do it because the love and understand both their earthly and heavenly parents.

I've also realize that to teach discipline I need to be a better disciple myself of Jesus Christ. I need to learn to control my temper and to not ever punish or "discipline" when I am angry or out of control. My new parenting mantra is "only act out of love" if I am feeling angry and... to say the least... not full of love then I'm not allowed to admonish or chastise. I can't ever imagine our Heavenly Father loosing His cool and striking me down with lightening because He got frustrated with me. He is much more patient and loving than that and I want to become more like Him. But being a parent is hard... harder than I ever expected and I have a feeling that it just gets harder from here on out!

About two second after I took this picture he dumped his sister of the floor.
She bumped her head so hard she threw up. It was one of those moments in which I wish I would have been filled with more love.

What ways have you found to "nurture" and "admonish" your children that have worked to help them become disciples and learn self-control?

Overwhelmed

Tonight as I was holding Rose and singing

to Asher

I looked in their eyes

and I realized that there are huge spirits inside

those tiny bodies

I saw wisdom shine out through their eyes

I saw love

and knowledge

and it humbled me to think that these great spirits

have put their faith

in me

to lead and guide them to the Light

I'm overwhelmed

and I can't help but wonder who they really are

eternally.

The Wonder Weeks: Book Review

When Asher was about 9 months old he went through a phase where he wouldn't sleep at night. It just about drove me crazy and resulted in one of my worst nights as a mother. Later my wonderful doula cousin-in-law Liz told me about sleep regression, which happens when a baby is making some huge cognitive developments. I started researching sleep regression and kept stumbling across people who had nothing but praise for this book...

This is really an incredible book. I think it has done more to help me as a mother than any other parenting book I've read...besides the scriptures. The whole premise of the book is that babies go through mental or cognitive growths spurts just like they go through physical growth spurts. Usually a few weeks before a baby makes a physical "leap" forward they also make a mental "leap" forward which is characterized by a fussy, clingy and sleepless baby. This is a time when a baby's whole world is changing and they don't know how to cope with it yet so they cling to what is safe and familiar... mom, milk, being held, dad, etc... This is kind of hard for adults to understand but just imagine if every few months you gained a new sense, like all of a sudden you could hear twice as far or could smell things a half mile away, it would really change your world and make it kind of a scary place. Those are the types of changes a baby goes through every few months and with which they have to learn how to cope. They are the times your baby needs you the most. The book points out several different leap periods (you can see a chart of them here) when babies make the biggest cognitive developments. The dates are based off the baby's conception date so if your baby was born "early" or "late" then the dates might be off 3-6 weeks.

When I picked up this book at the library a few weeks ago Rose was in a really fussy period, she wasn't sleeping well, she always wanted to be held, and she cried about everything. I was kind of going batty. When I read this book I realized that she was right in the middle of the "World of Events" leap and that the reason she was fussy wasn't because she was a "bad" baby or because I was a "bad" mother but because her world was changing and she didn't know how to deal with it. Knowing this COMPLETELY changed the way I approached her fussiness. Instead of getting frustrated and frazzled by her neediness and crying I understood what she was going through and was able to use some of the suggestions the book gave for helping her through her challenging time. It really was incredible. I could almost see the little cogs turning in her head and when she finally emerged on the other side of her fussy period I wasn't surprised at all that she was all of sudden a bit more grown up and aware of how her world worked.

I wish I'd had this book with Asher... it would have saved me a lot of grief. It actually kind of breaks my heart now when I think back how during some of his leap periods I was so frustrated and so at a loss for what to do that I let him cry himself to sleep--- when really what he needed was to know he was safe, loved and that the world wasn't as scary as it appeared. (PS. There are other times I've let him cry it out and haven't felt a bit bad about it, there are times when really he just needed to cry) I don't think he suffered any permanent damage but I just need to remember that now, as a two-year-old, he is still making cognitive "leaps" and that instead of getting frustrated I need to find constructive ways to help him through them. This book helped to remind me that even though my children are little and can't communicate well they are still human beings who have complicated emotions, thoughts and feelings and that it is my job to be patient and to help them make sense of this confusing world.

Here is my little nursling just a few weeks past her "world of events" leap, more grown up and happy then ever. Her next leap is the "world of relationships" and this time I am actually kind of excited for her fussy period because I know what is coming and what I can do to help her.

You Know You're a Mother When...

The Musical Potty Deer

Jon wanted to buy Asher one of these

The Potty Pal Musical Deer "which features 24 euphonic tones (like Mozart and Beethoven) and 4 music buttons so that your child can change the music at anytime."

Yeah.

I had visions of a naked ragamuffin "riding" his potty around the house and his mother following behind with a can of carpet cleaner and hot water... not so thrilling. Besides there was something about my son peeing on a plastic deer that just made me feel weird.

So we compromised and bought him a much "tamer" singing potty by Fisher Price.

Not only is it musical but it must be magical too. We couldn't get Asher anywhere near the toilet but now he loves to go "poo poo". As ridiculous as they seem I am now an advocate for singing potties. Asher isn't anywhere near potty trained and we aren't really pushing it but this little seat has made him so excited about it. We've had it about a month and he is getting SO good at letting us know when he needs to go. Yesterday he only went through ONE diaper!

Though I haven't been able to get him to go #2 on it yet. Do any other Moms have hints or suggestions about how to get the #2 action flowing? Hee.. hee.. aren't you glad I just shared this all with you.

Becoming Crunchy

I just added my blog to the Mormon Mommy Blogs listings. I had a bit of an identity crisis trying to figure out what category I should list my blog under.

Homemaking? I do it
Thoughtful women? I am... sometimes
Spiritually speaking? My other blog is listed there
Funny ladies? I wish, but that is definitely not my defining characteristic
The Sweet Life? I have that
Saucy blogs? I can make tomato sauce, does that count?
Writers? I try to be

I did some soul searching and finally decided on listing my blog under the category entitled

Crunchy Moms

As I looked at the other blogs listed there I realized that these were the women I had the most in common with and who I would probably be friends with in real life... no offense to the saucy moms.

It kind of took me by surprise. I've never thought of myself as a crunchy, granola-ish person. But I realize that over the years my philosophies and my life style have become more and more "alternative." I home birth... I cloth diaper... I have a compost pile... I'm enchanted with my chickens... I breastfeed without shame in public... I make my own bread... I don't shave my legs or wear a bra... ha, just kidding on that one... I want to start eating more locally grown foods... I'm considering homeschooling...

How did this happen? How did I go from the girl who was sure she needed an epidural and who adamantly refused to consider cloth diapers, to the type woman I am now? It seems to have happened without me even being aware of it.

When I think back I really started down the road of "granolahood" when I chose to have a home birth with my first baby. It seems like once I made that one alternative life style choice, when I threw what popular culture had been telling me all my life right out the door and made a choice that was different, daring, and difficult... but which was the right thing for me... a world of possibilities was flung wide open. I began to see that there are so many ways to live and not one of them is the right way.

In the last several years I've met people who do things differently than me and differently than anyone I've ever met before. At first I was kind of judgmental and thought they were just a bunch of weirdos. Yet as I got to know them better my opinion totally changed. They are incredible people and they are constantly teaching me, changing my perspective on the world, and challenging me to discover what choices are right for me and my family... even if it isn't what everyone else is doing. Some of the things they've taught me have resonated with my soul and I've incorporated them into my life, while other things just haven't worked for me: co-sleeping has never worked great for us, I believe in immunizations, I didn't nurse my baby past a year, and I still don't completely buy into things labeled "organic"... but who knows, I did once swear I would never, ever use cloth diapers and well...

All in all, it has been really exciting, fulfilling, and liberating these last few years to to realize that there are so many new things to learn, so many new ways to look at the world, and so many ways to be a woman and a mother. I find myself constantly challenging ideas, discovering new ideas, returning to old ideas, and creating my own way of living and being that satisfies my soul and is making me I hope a better person. I know that not all the choices I make are right for other people, just like their choices aren't always the best for me, but as I've stepped "outside the box" on somethings it has really opened up my mind and my soul to all the possibilities for life. I realize that I can't let anyone else define what is right or wrong for me, but that I need to research it, think and pray about it, and discover for myself how I should live. It is a never ending journey... and it is a whole lot of fun.

Well, thanks for hearing me through to the end and I guess now it is official. I am a "crunchy granola" mom. I think my fifteen-year-old self would die of shame. Which is kind of funny, because even back then I had a bit of a passion for granola... hmmm... foreshadowing maybe?

How did you become "crunchy"?

Trip to Florida and Why Going on Vacation isn't as Much Fun When You Have Children

Entrance to Cocoa Beach

I'm going to make you look through all of the pictures from our trip ( don't worry there aren't too many) before I tell you why going on vacation when you have kids isn't as much fun (and it probably isn't what you are thinking).

We went to Orlando because Jon won a competition for school and they sent him and some classmates to a conference to present their work. Rose and I just got to tag along. It turned out to be a really fun trip. The first night we got there we dropped Jon's classmates off at the hotel and then rented a car and drove to 2 1/2 hours north to visit Jon's aunt and uncle and cousins. We hardly ever get to see them and it was so much fun to spend time with them. They also invited my cousin and his family over to dinner one night (Jon's uncle is a professor at the law school my cousin goes to, and since there aren't very many Mormons there they know each other). Jon's littlest cousin Eleanor really loved Rose and was so cute with her.

They also took us to see the most AMAZING tree

It is called "Treaty Tree" because supposedly an Indian treaty was signed beneath it, but we read on a sign that what really happened was that around the turn of the century a journalist wanted to protect the tree from being cut down so he made up the story. There really wasn't any treaty, but the name stuck anyway.

It was really a fantastic tree, here you can kind of get a feel for how ENORMOUS the thing is.

The branches go all the way to the ground.

These are Jon's cousins Issac and Eleanor. They are about the same difference in age as Asher and Rose are and watching them play together got me so excited for how my two will be in a few years. Once Asher is past the "lets sit on her" phase... um... actually it just dawned on me that stage might never pass, my brother still sits on me... and he's 23.

Later we drove back to Orlando for Jon's conference and stayed at a beautiful hotel.

This picture really doesn't do it justice at all. The place was incredible. It had two private lakes and the coolest swimming pool I'd ever seen. It was called The Fountains and is a time share hotel. One of Jon's teammates found it on the Internet and got us a great deal-- less than $100 a night. Jon and I were so impressed we talked (briefly) about someday (when we are much older and hopefully richer) buying a time share in a place like this. It was really family focused and I'd highly recommend it (You know they really should be paying me to say all this! ).

The plan was that while Jon was at the conference that I would drive out the the Kennedy Space Center, which I've wanted to see ever since I was little, but by the time I finally got out there I only had an hour or two to spend and didn't want to pay $40 for such short time. So I opted instead to go to Cocoa Beach. I hadn't brought my swimming suit and I was just planning on wading a little bit, but the first two waves that hit me drenched me up to my waist and so I figured "what the heck" and went swimming in my clothes. Rose was asleep in the car seat on the beach and so for about an hour I frolicked in the ocean, in my clothes, by myself. It was grand.

I can see why people fall in love with the ocean and don't ever want to move away from it. I think I could almost be willing to trade it in for my mountains if I had to.

Then last, but definitely not least, we went out to eat at Boston Lobster Feast where I tasted oysters and muscles for the first time. I'm not a big fan of them, I thought they tasted like really big fish flavored boogers. When we were coming out of the restaurant we saw this

Can you imagine this thing cruising down the freeway! Especially if you were driving at night and saw it coming at you in your rear view mirror! Scary.

All in all we had a really good trip, but I've decided that going on vacation just isn't quite as much fun as it was before we had kids. It's not that taking Rose along was hard or held us back from doing what we would normally do, but Jon and I both found that we missed Asher a lot more than we thought we would. We couldn't help but think to ourselves how Asher would have loved the moving sidewalks at the airport, how he would have gotten a kick out of riding the trolley, how he would have loved the incredible swimming pool at our hotel, and how he would have been in heaven chasing all the frogs, lizards and other creatures that come out in the Florida heat.

I was fine for the first few days, but then after being away from him for almost a week I really started to get bit homesick for him. That little boy has become such a huge part of my life and without him life just isn't quite as rich. Even though I LOVED being able to go on vacation and have a break, after awhile I felt like a part of me was missing. It made me think of a quote I wrote down in my quote book a long, long time ago by Elizabeth Stone

" Making the decision to have a child-- it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

Our children are really parts of us and there is such a feeling of wholeness and completeness when you have them near you. It made me realize why my parents and in-laws get so excited when all of their children are going to be home at the same time. Being all together as a family is the ultimate feeling of connectedness and wholeness. I can only imagine what an incredible place heaven is going to be when whole generations of families will be together for the first time... it will probably be a blast.

I'm sure Jon and I will take more vacations together without all our kids and will have a fantastic time, but I realized this trip just how much becoming a parent changes your perspective on life. As nice as it is being by yourself or with your spouse, it is just more fun being all together than apart.

If Only She Could Speak

What do you dream about little girl?

How much do you remember of your life before you came to me?

Do you see angels?

Who were you in the pre-existence?

What type of woman are you going to become?

Can you remember what God looks like?

Because sometimes when I look at you little girl
... I get a glimpse...
and I can almost remember.

Life With Two

Is harder.

Much harder.

I've now adopted a new measure of success (borrowed from Maria at Ordinary Time) that goes something like this...

"Success is only having one person crying at a time, with bonus points if that one person isn't me".

It has definitely been a challenge learning how to handle the needs and demands of two very needy and demanding children, while still being able to give myself the time I need to take care of myself... and occasionally my husband.

The newborn has been easy. She is really the most mild mannered baby. She only gets fussy when she has... um how do I put this delicately... "tummy bubbles" and she usually only wakes up once or twice during the night and then goes back to sleep. In fact, I can't remember why I once thought that taking care of newborn was hard-- she stays where I put her, she doesn't throw things out of the shopping cart, her cries don't resonate around the church chapel, she doesn't throw tantrums in the middle of the parking lot and have to be carried "potato sack" style back to the car kicking and screaming, and her needs are pretty simple.. eat, sleep, poop, and look adorable. I think I could handle six newborns with the energy it takes me to handle one two- year old.

My main challenge is managing a little boy who, while he adores his little sister, is having a hard time adjusting to life where he is not the center of the universe. He loves to hold and kiss Rose and can be incredibly sweet to her, but he definitely has his moments... okay LOTS of moments. Let me illustrate it this way. A few days ago I found myself sitting on the toilet (sorry about the details) and holding Rose in my arms, because no matter where I put her she was in danger of being "loved to death" by her big brother. If I left her in her bouncy seat she got bounced and squashed. If I left her in the car seat she got rocked. If I left her in the baby hammock she got swung. If I left her on the couch she almost got pulled on to her head. If I left her in the crib she got balls and other heavy objects thrown at her. Looking back I realize I should have just locked the bathroom door and that would have solved my problem, but you never think of those brilliant (and obvious) plans in the heat of the moment! Thus, I found myself with my pants around my ankles, holding my baby, warding off a two-year-old, trying not to scream, and wondering how my life could get so crazy.

It is moments like those that make it hard to remember WHY I ever wanted to be a mother in the first place. Why I wanted to trade in school, a career, world travel, and private bathroom time in order to calm to the raging tantrums of a two-year-old and answer the pleading cries of a newborn.

But then I get moments like these







and I remember why I wouldn't trade what I have now for all the free time, tantrum-less trips to the store, and non-spit-up-on shirts in the world.

Because even though having two is twice as hard,
it is twice as nice.

The Past Two Weeks

I've Enjoyed not having any expectations for my day besides eating, nursing a baby, changing diapers, keeping Asher from squashing Rose, and taking naps.

I've been Grateful for a wonderful mother-in-law who took care of us for almost a week and then graciously "kidnapped" my two-year-old for a few days.

I've Slept. Which is quite the accomplishment for me, considering I didn't sleep more than 24 hours the first two weeks after Asher was born.

I've sat under the apricot tree, Nursed Rose and watched Asher play basketball almost every afternoon.

I've Worn my sweat pants every day and haven't put make-up on for a week.

I've Learned that when my little boy is throwing a tantrum it is most likely because he just wants my attention. It can't be fixed with food or bribes (not even fruit snacks)-- he just needs his mom to hold him. I can do that.

I've Wished almost every day that I was more patient and didn't lose my temper so easily.

I've been Tricked by my little boy. He wants to hold his little sister so much that often tries to distract me (like telling me he wants a drink of water) and then races to the bouncy seat and tries to pick up Rose by himself. She has come pretty close to being dumped on her head. Poor girl.

I've already ventured out by myself, with both kids in tow, and Survived with only minor scrapes and bruises.

I've Realized that in less that four years Jon and I have doubled ourselves. Wow.

I've Eaten meals I didn't have to prepare and for which I didn't have to do the dishes.

I've loved having two children...my life and my soul feel more Complete.

I've been Blessed.

Generations Within

This is part of what Liz, my cousin who gave the Mother Shower for me, wrote in her letter to me for the mother shower-- I hope she doesn't mind me sharing it!

"Did you know that you lived in your grandmother? The ovum in your mother's body, which ultimately became you, was formed and waiting inside your mother as she grew in her mother's womb. And Baby Bird's eggs, which may someday become her own children, lie in wait inside her, inside you, at this very moment. You carry generations within you! No other time in life is this phenomenon recreated, and it is such a powerful facet of the mother-daughter relationship. Just as your mother and grandmother before you, you have formed new links in an unbroken chain, a legacy of the powerful forces of nature and womanhood, creating, sustenance, protection, guidance and a bond of love too strong to sever."

I've been thinking about what Liz wrote for the last week and just can't quite seem to get over how beautiful and amazing the whole idea of carrying generations within me is. What a humbling thought to think that at this very moment I am not only carrying within me my daughter, but also the "blueprint" for my granddaughter and all the other women that will spring from her. I am carrying a little part of eternity inside of me. Can I be honest and say that the thought blows my mind! As hard as I try I can't quite get my mind wrapped around what an incredible miracle life is and how gracious God is to let us be a part of it.

Women are truly amazing and it breaks my heart to think that there are places in the world where little girls are unwanted and are aborted or killed just because they are girls. One of my college roommates just recently returned home from living in China for a year with her husband and two year old daughter. While they were there she became pregnant and when she and her husband went to get an ultrasound done they had to get special permission from a doctor for the nurses to be able to tell them the sex of the baby. This is because in China it is illegal for care providers to tell a couple the sex of the baby because too many people will abort the baby if they find out it is a girl. For some families the birth of a little girl isn't something to be celebrated or excited about because girls aren't seen as valuable assets. This is because a girl won't contribute financially to the family like a boy will or because, in a culture where only one child is allowed, some people would just rather have a boy than a girl. I'm not making a critique of Chinese culture-- because in all honesty I wonder if Americans were able to choose between having only a son or a daughter which one most people would choose-- but I am lamenting the fact that in many places in the world women, and their divine abilities to bring physical life, are not appreciated or respected.

I can't help but feel that if we, as a world, really understood the miracle and value of life that our attitude and treatment of women would be incredibly different. If our world really valued life above all else-- above land, above riches, above power, above self-- there would never be a woman who was aborted, killed, unwanted, or abused. Each person would be valued not only for who they are individually but also for the generations, yet unborn, that each human being (female and male) carries within them. In such a world marriage would be seen as being THE most important individual and societal goal because it would ensure that those future generations would be protected, wanted, and loved. And a woman's position within one of those marriages would be one of great respect and honor because of her divine role as a nurturer and co-creator of physical life.

I know that I personally can not change the entire world, but it gives me hope that as a mother I will be able to teach both my children to understand the supreme value of life and respect their roles as stewards of that life. I want them to understand that they are so much more than just "themselves" because within their bodies lie the seeds of future generations. It is really my hope that through our children Jon and I can start a legacy of love, peace, respect, and righteousness that will be carried on through the posterity that even now is growing beneath my heart.

Basketball Madness... nature or nurture?

So I've mentioned this before, but my little boy is OBSESSED with basketball... completely. I would guess that he says the word "basketball" at least 30 times a day and that a good portion of his day in occupied in finding, throwing, kicking, shooting, and carrying some sort of ball. Just a few weeks ago we made the HUGE mistake of showing him basketball videos on the computer. Now whenever anyone gets on the computer he throws a royal tantrum until you go to YouTube and turn on a basketball video. I'm sure if we let him he could watch basketball for hours. Crazy kid.

I thought that when he first started getting interested in balls, about 6-7 months old, that it was just a developmental stage, but I've long since realized that this is one stage I don't think he is going to grow out of anytime soon. In fact, I have the eerie suspicion that in a few years I am going to be spending a lot of time at ball games... which I don't mind too much as long as he doesn't take to liking football... not my favorite.

As I've watched my little boy develop such a love and interest in basketball I've found myself going back to the age old question of "Is it nature or is it nurture?" Is my little boy's obsession with basketball a result of how he has been socialized or is there something innate within him that drives his interest. Perhaps it is because I spent too much time studying gender behaviors in college, but I am really concerned about how I socialize my little boy. In fact, when he was little I was hesitant to put him in baby clothes that said things like "Mommy's little champ" or "#1 all-star" because I didn't want him to feel that just because he was a boy he had to like sports. It is really important to me for him to feel that he has the freedom to be whatever type of boy and man he wants to be. I don't want his perspective of what it means to be a man to be constructed by pop culture or socialized gender expectations. I'd rather that his perspective of manhood be shaped by an innate understanding that he is a child of God and that he has a divine mission to fulfill in this life, one that has nothing to do with how good he is at playing sports.

So part of me has been a little afraid as I've watched my son become more and more ball crazy, that Jon and I have already socialized him to like sports and that subconsciously we are already trying to get him to fit into classic gender stereotypes. But then again, as his mother I've witnessed almost every moment this little boy's life and have seen first hand how his "boyish" personality has developed. And while it is true that he has learned many of his behaviors from watching his Dad and other boys, I know that there is something in my little boy's soul that LOVES and YEARNS for balls. All you have to do is spend 15 minutes with this little boy to know that his interest in balls isn't something anyone taught him... he is just in love with them. Just like some little girls (not all) have an innate love for their dolls and a strong mothering instinct, this little boy has a ball instinct. Yet, this doesn't mean that he doesn't also have a nurturing instinct; there are many times when I've walked in on him giving his babies (a stuffed frog and bird) goodnight kisses, tucking them into a blanket and singing them a song. Still, as much as I encourage these type of nurturing activities and displays it still seems like he prefers rough and tumble activities; and more often I find him throwing his babies or knocking them over rather than playing soft with them. Sigh...

Who knows, perhaps this basketball madness is just a phase and he will out grow it. Then again, maybe it isn't and he really has a talent for it. Only time will tell. In the meantime, I've decided that boys are just different than girls, and I'll just have to get use to that-- plain and simple.

Mother Shower

On Saturday my cousin Liz gave a "Mother Shower" for me and it was an absolutely beautiful experience. A mother shower is kind of a like a baby shower but the focus is on showering the mother-to-be with love and pampering as she embarks on a new stage of motherhood. Baby showers are focused on the material parts of having a baby, making sure she has enough clothes and burp rags, while a mother shower (sometimes called a "blessing way") is focused on the emotional and spiritual parts of birth, making sure the mother has enough encouragement, love and support to birth her baby with strength and wisdom. It is a time for a woman to be surrounded, cared for and pampered by the women in her life who love her and her baby.

This mother shower was a bit of an experiment because while Liz and I had heard about them, neither of us had ever been to one. We were a bit afraid that people would think it was a bit too "new age", "hippie-ish", or "touchy feely" but it didn't turn out that way at all. It turned out to be a beautiful opportunity for women to talk about how amazing and beautiful it is to be a woman, to talk about the noble calling of motherhood and to rejoice in the prospect of a new life coming to this earth. I personally felt so much pride and joy in being a woman after this shower and was infused with a new enthusiasm for the miracle of birth and the privilege of being a mother.

I thought I'd share what we did for my shower and how it worked out, because I'm sure that most of my readers haven't ever been to this type of shower. The wonderful thing about mother showers is that, unlike baby showers where you usually only get one for your first child (and maybe your second if it is the opposite gender) you can have one for ALL your pregnancies because the focus is on helping the mother be ready for a new phase in her life. There are lots of different ways to give a mother shower and you can adapt it anyway you like. For example, one of the ideas I really liked, but that we didn't do for my shower, is for all the guests to bring the mother-to-be a frozen meal that she could save till after the baby was born. Anyway, here is what we did for mine:

Introductions

Liz invited a few women, only my sisters, SIL, mother, MIL, and a few close friends (so don't feel bad if you didn't get invited :) so that it was a small, intimate circle. We started out by introducing ourselves by our female genealogy as far back as we knew it. For example, I introduced myself as "Heather, daughter of Corinne, granddaughter of Louise, great granddaughter of Florence Grace, and the great great granddaughter of Mary." (and then everyone else mentioned how they knew me). Then we wrapped a piece of ribbon around our wrist and passed it to the next person till all the women in the circle were connected. The purpose of introducing ourselves this way was to remind us that we all have the common thread of womanhood to bind us together, and that each of us have women on the other side of the veil who love us and who are watching over us. The birth of a new baby, especially a girl baby, promises that that circle will continue and that life will go forward. Everyone is suppose to wear the ribbon till after the birth of the baby, but I'm not going to hold them to it because it still might be awhile :)

Letters and Beads

After the introductions, which ended up taking a little longer than I expected because of the beautiful insights people had to share, everyone got out a letter and bead Liz had asked them to bring. Every one's letters were different, some had messages of love, some had thoughts on motherhood and womanhood, some had messages to the baby, some had encouragement for me and reasons why I will make a good mother, and ALL of them were BEAUTIFUL. They also gave me a bead or a charm to go along with their letter, which Liz is going to string together into a necklace that I can wear while I am in labor so that I will remember what was said and that I am loved and supported. After reading their letter and giving me the bead then lit a candle and put it in the center of the circle.

I can't explain what an amazing experience it was to be surrounded by so many women whom I love and respect and to hear their words of encouragement and love for me. As they went around the circle and shared their insights and thoughts I felt such a deep peace. I realized that this is what being a woman is all about-- about making connections, eternal and mortal-- about reaching out and loving and supporting one another. It was an experience I will cherish always.

Presents and Refreshments

After the letters and the beads we ate refreshments and I opened some "traditional" baby shower presents. Which, as wonderful as the presents were, really lost a lot of their lustre and excitement after the spiritual presents I'd been given earlier. I felt like these women had already given me so much, in the form of love, praise, encouragement, wisdom and support, that I already had everything I needed for this baby. I realized that while material gifts are fun and helpful it is really the gifts of the spirit and the heart that sustain us through this life and help us become the people we want to become. A baby will still thrive without a fancy crib set or pretty clothes, but it won't thrive if it's mother isn't strong emotionally and spiritually. So as much as I appreciated the baby gifts I think I will be infinitely grateful for the other types of gifts that were shared with me that day.

Even so... the presents were fun... I won't lie.

After the shower was over a few of us were talking and expressed sorrow that there are so few times in a person's life when they get an experience like I had-- to have people you love tell you (to your face) how much you are loved and supported. Too often we don't say those sort of things about people until their funerals, and then it is too late for it to impact their lives. We decided that EVERY woman, even if she isn't a mother, deserves to have a mother shower (maybe you could just call it a "woman shower") and have the opportunity to be told how much she is loved, respected, admired and supported by the women she is closest to in this world. I hope that in the future it becomes more common for women get showers like the one I had, because we really don't have a lot in our culture that helps prepare a woman spiritually, emotionally and mentally for the challenges of womanhood and motherhood.

Here are a few of the quotes that Liz hung on the wall during the shower. I left them up for a few days because they made me feel so peaceful and strong. They also helped remind me of how I want this little girl to come into the world and what type of mother I want to be to her.