Mother Shower

On Saturday my cousin Liz gave a "Mother Shower" for me and it was an absolutely beautiful experience. A mother shower is kind of a like a baby shower but the focus is on showering the mother-to-be with love and pampering as she embarks on a new stage of motherhood. Baby showers are focused on the material parts of having a baby, making sure she has enough clothes and burp rags, while a mother shower (sometimes called a "blessing way") is focused on the emotional and spiritual parts of birth, making sure the mother has enough encouragement, love and support to birth her baby with strength and wisdom. It is a time for a woman to be surrounded, cared for and pampered by the women in her life who love her and her baby.

This mother shower was a bit of an experiment because while Liz and I had heard about them, neither of us had ever been to one. We were a bit afraid that people would think it was a bit too "new age", "hippie-ish", or "touchy feely" but it didn't turn out that way at all. It turned out to be a beautiful opportunity for women to talk about how amazing and beautiful it is to be a woman, to talk about the noble calling of motherhood and to rejoice in the prospect of a new life coming to this earth. I personally felt so much pride and joy in being a woman after this shower and was infused with a new enthusiasm for the miracle of birth and the privilege of being a mother.

I thought I'd share what we did for my shower and how it worked out, because I'm sure that most of my readers haven't ever been to this type of shower. The wonderful thing about mother showers is that, unlike baby showers where you usually only get one for your first child (and maybe your second if it is the opposite gender) you can have one for ALL your pregnancies because the focus is on helping the mother be ready for a new phase in her life. There are lots of different ways to give a mother shower and you can adapt it anyway you like. For example, one of the ideas I really liked, but that we didn't do for my shower, is for all the guests to bring the mother-to-be a frozen meal that she could save till after the baby was born. Anyway, here is what we did for mine:

Introductions

Liz invited a few women, only my sisters, SIL, mother, MIL, and a few close friends (so don't feel bad if you didn't get invited :) so that it was a small, intimate circle. We started out by introducing ourselves by our female genealogy as far back as we knew it. For example, I introduced myself as "Heather, daughter of Corinne, granddaughter of Louise, great granddaughter of Florence Grace, and the great great granddaughter of Mary." (and then everyone else mentioned how they knew me). Then we wrapped a piece of ribbon around our wrist and passed it to the next person till all the women in the circle were connected. The purpose of introducing ourselves this way was to remind us that we all have the common thread of womanhood to bind us together, and that each of us have women on the other side of the veil who love us and who are watching over us. The birth of a new baby, especially a girl baby, promises that that circle will continue and that life will go forward. Everyone is suppose to wear the ribbon till after the birth of the baby, but I'm not going to hold them to it because it still might be awhile :)

Letters and Beads

After the introductions, which ended up taking a little longer than I expected because of the beautiful insights people had to share, everyone got out a letter and bead Liz had asked them to bring. Every one's letters were different, some had messages of love, some had thoughts on motherhood and womanhood, some had messages to the baby, some had encouragement for me and reasons why I will make a good mother, and ALL of them were BEAUTIFUL. They also gave me a bead or a charm to go along with their letter, which Liz is going to string together into a necklace that I can wear while I am in labor so that I will remember what was said and that I am loved and supported. After reading their letter and giving me the bead then lit a candle and put it in the center of the circle.

I can't explain what an amazing experience it was to be surrounded by so many women whom I love and respect and to hear their words of encouragement and love for me. As they went around the circle and shared their insights and thoughts I felt such a deep peace. I realized that this is what being a woman is all about-- about making connections, eternal and mortal-- about reaching out and loving and supporting one another. It was an experience I will cherish always.

Presents and Refreshments

After the letters and the beads we ate refreshments and I opened some "traditional" baby shower presents. Which, as wonderful as the presents were, really lost a lot of their lustre and excitement after the spiritual presents I'd been given earlier. I felt like these women had already given me so much, in the form of love, praise, encouragement, wisdom and support, that I already had everything I needed for this baby. I realized that while material gifts are fun and helpful it is really the gifts of the spirit and the heart that sustain us through this life and help us become the people we want to become. A baby will still thrive without a fancy crib set or pretty clothes, but it won't thrive if it's mother isn't strong emotionally and spiritually. So as much as I appreciated the baby gifts I think I will be infinitely grateful for the other types of gifts that were shared with me that day.

Even so... the presents were fun... I won't lie.

After the shower was over a few of us were talking and expressed sorrow that there are so few times in a person's life when they get an experience like I had-- to have people you love tell you (to your face) how much you are loved and supported. Too often we don't say those sort of things about people until their funerals, and then it is too late for it to impact their lives. We decided that EVERY woman, even if she isn't a mother, deserves to have a mother shower (maybe you could just call it a "woman shower") and have the opportunity to be told how much she is loved, respected, admired and supported by the women she is closest to in this world. I hope that in the future it becomes more common for women get showers like the one I had, because we really don't have a lot in our culture that helps prepare a woman spiritually, emotionally and mentally for the challenges of womanhood and motherhood.

Here are a few of the quotes that Liz hung on the wall during the shower. I left them up for a few days because they made me feel so peaceful and strong. They also helped remind me of how I want this little girl to come into the world and what type of mother I want to be to her.