Leprosy

I didn't have a single pimple until I was senior in High School. All those years of Jr. High and High School I counted my lucky stars and inwardly gloated at all the other adolescents whose faces broke out like patches of raspberries. Yet I guess I got punished for my teenage cockiness because I started to get bad acne when I was a sophomore in college. Over the last several years my face has gone through various stages of better, almost better, semi-horrible, and time to wear a paper bag over your head horrible. Currently I'm approaching the bag over my head stage and I have "leprosy" all over my face. It is painful, blotchy, red and ugly and I hate it.

I've really been struggling with this lately and sometimes it wears on my soul. I know that I shouldn't let it bother me as much as it does, but I can't help but notice other women's beautiful, clear, even colored skin. It makes me want to scream when I hear them complaining about having one or two zits. I wish sometimes they could understand how lucky they are...that they don't have days when they can't kiss their children because their face is too painful or won't use public restrooms because it means they'd have to look at themselves in the large, brightly lit mirror. I would trade them in a heart beat.

I think what is hardest about my "leprosy" is that I am embarrassed to have it at this stage of my life. Acne is something for Jr. High kids and teenagers, not adult women who have two children and a husband. I'm sure it bothers me more than anyone else and I know Jon doesn't care. Once, when we were dating, I asked him if my acne bothered him or if he was embarrassed by it. He looked at me with a confused look and asked, "What acne?". I could tell he wasn't pretending. He honestly had never noticed, even though it was really bad at the time, and didn't know what I was making a big deal about. He told me that even if I really did get leprosy (the real type) one day and my face was covered in boils and my nose fell off, he would still think I was beautiful. I knew then that I could love him forever.

I guess in a way my "leprosy" has also been a bit of a blessing because it has really humbled me and given my sympathy for other people. I have to admit that I was quite the vain teenager and was really judgmental about other people's looks. Now I am quite the opposite. Whenever I see anyone with some sort of physical defect or malady, whether it be acne, scars, extra weight, facial hair, or whatever... instead of judging I feel sympathy. I know what it feels like to cringe when you look in the mirror....to meet someone new and feel like the only thing that they notice about you is your flaws.... and to have those days when you wish that it was realistic for you to wear a paper bag over your head and not crash your car.

I realize that there are LOTS of people who have to deal with much worse things... but still I struggle with it. I've tried lots of different methods and nothing has really helped. Large doses of daily antibiotics seem to make some dent in it, but they do awful things to the rest of my body so I want to avoid that. I'd really like to find some sort of diet change, herbal or natural remedy that would work, so if you know of anything I am getting sort of desperate.

Sometimes when I start of feel bad about my face I just remember NieNie and her strength. This video made me cry, if you haven't seen it is worthwhile. I especially love the part when she says, " I am not my body." I need to remember that what my face looks like doesn't determine the quality of my soul. Gee... why is that hard to remember sometimes?

This Family's Got Talent!

From this post and my last one it may seem like our family is always performing but in all honesty these two performances are the grand total of ALL the performances we've done in the last two years.

We previously did this for our Ward Talent show and it was a big hit but we didn't have anyone video tape it. I was really happy when they asked us to do it for the Stake Talent show because then we could get it on video. Rose was fussy right before she "went on" but as soon as she was on stage she was perfect. I think she might have a little bit of Diva in her somewhere! The first time Asher did great but this time he was really shy. I think it is because he didn't know very many people and it was a bigger audience than for our Ward Talent show. Still, it turned out really cute even with him being shy. They got quite the laughs.

Our Reenactment of the First Relief Society Meeting

I've been waiting to post about this till I got the pictures and it has just about been killing me.

Every year in March LDS women around the world commemorate the birthday of the Relief Society which was organized by the prophet Joseph Smith on March 17, 1842 in Nauvoo, Illinois. In the past our local Relief Society has just had a nice dinner and a simple program... but this year someone got the brilliant idea to reenact the original meeting. I got SUPER excited about this and volunteered to write the script and organize the actors.

As I started to write the script I realized that I wanted it to be historically accurate and that I wanted the actors to say the words that the real people would really have said. So being the overachiever.... super nerd... that I am, I made a trip to Salt Lake City to look at Eliza R. Snow's (the original secretary) minutes taken at the first meeting. The church has them digitized at the new Church History Library and it was so incredible to be able to see Eliza R. Snow's handwriting and read what was said that day.

I copied her notes word for word and then wrote my script making sure that the right people said and did the right things. In almost all the cases (I had to make a few exceptions for the times they used parliamentary procedure) everything that people say is exactly what Eliza said they said.

Getting everything organized was a lot of work but I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it.

Besides... I got to be Emma.

And Jon was Joseph...

Doesn't he make the perfect, most handsome Joseph?
I told him that if he was a better actor he could totally be in all the church movies.
It was kind of strange kissing him when he was in costume :)

This really was such an amazing project for me and it turned out to be an incredible experience for our Relief Society. I think one woman, who was one of the actors, explained it best. She said, "It felt like Joseph and Emma and all the rest were really here. Like they were standing in the background watching us."

It really did feel like they were there and it is kind of hard to describe how beautiful it felt. We had our own little piece of history.

Researching, writing, planning and participating in this reenactment really strengthened my testimony of the Relief Society and of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. I realized what incredible people these early Saints were and how my life has been so blessed because of their courage and faith. I am so grateful to have such a great spiritual heritage. It makes me proud to know that I am helping to carry on the work that these women began more than 150 years ago. It is just as important today as it was then and seeing what they went through has made me a more dedicated follower of Jesus Christ.

If you would like to read the full script that I wrote you can access it here or email me at heatherlady at gmail.com for a copy. You are free to use the script for your own use as long as you give credit to where you got it from. In fact... I hope you do use it because learning about the incredible history and mission of the Relief Society is really powerful and helps women understand that as Emma Smith said, "... sisters, we are going to do something extraordinary!"

If you want to see some professional pictures they took of us go here

Oh, and just because I'm kind of proud of it... I made my dress. I've always wanted to sew a civil war era dress, call me crazy, and I figured this might be my only valid excuse to do it. It was so much fun to wear!

A Belated Mother's Day Post

I know I've been posting a plethora of videos lately, but I can't resist sharing this.

If you have in the slightest bit of nerd in you... or have ever taken a biology class... I think you will love this tribute to motherhood. I think this guy looks a little like my brother...



Thanks to Rixa for sharing it.

Babies

In what was a rare "girl's night out" my friend and I went to go see the new movie "Babies" on Friday night. " I've been so excited to see this ever since I saw the trailer several months ago. I don't really know why... maybe because I have a my own little nursling, because I am mildly obsessed with mothers and babies, or because it is just such an incredible idea to follow four babies from different places in the world through their first year of life.

The movie didn't disappoint me... I LOVED it. I loved watching how different each baby was born into the world-- they only showed snippets of labor for two of the babies but had newborn shots for each of them-- and how different their lives were. I think my favorite baby was the Mongolian baby because he was SO incredibly cute and he had a little brother who was about Asher's age. I felt like I could totally relate to the poor Mongolian mother who had these two crazy babies on her hands. At one point there is a clip of the older Mongolian brother whacking his little baby brother with a scarf. After each hit he stops and looks at the camera to see if he will get in trouble. He doesn't so he keeps doing it. I just laughed and thought "Ha, that is just like my house. I guess toddlers aren't much different in other parts of the world."

In fact, that is what I felt the strongest message of this movie was... that no matter where they live in this world-- be it a mud hut or a 30 story skyscraper-- no matter how they are dressed--- be it naked or in expensive designer clothing-- no matter where they learn to crawl-- be it in the dirt or on carpet-- babies are babies and they each have the same divine potential.

I also found myself feeling such a kinship and connection to the mothers who lived in other parts of the world. I felt that even though we wouldn't be able to speak the same language if we were to meet in real life we would be able to relate to each other. Our children would play together and we would be able to laugh and cry over the same milestones, the same mistakes and the same joys. I realized that no matter how a mother is dressed-- be it topless (like the African mother) or in expensive high heels-- no matter what our daily jobs are-- be it working in an office or milking a cow-- no matter where our children are born-- be it in a home or in the intensive care--- mothers are mothers and we each have the same divine potential and responsibility.

The other things that really struck me about the movie was that the Mongolian and the African baby spent most of their lives outside. There wasn't a clear cut line between "inside" and "outside" and their lives naturally followed into one and out of the other. On the other hand the American and the Japanese babies spent most of their time inside and going to the "outside" was always a big adventure complete with stroller, blankets, shoes and sunglasses. I'm not making a judgment call about which was better but it was very interesting and made me want to make sure my kids get more unscheduled time outside to explore and get dirty.

I also was struck by the fact that the Japanese and American babies didn't have siblings. I know this might just be because these were first children, but I still thought it was interesting and felt that it reflected different mentalities and life styles between the four families.

Everything about this movie intrigued me and if you can believe it this movie made me even more passionate about babies and mothers. I could talk about it for hours... so I better stop now and just say that I loved it and think you might too.

Feeling the Need to Explain Myself

While I really love blogging and love the conversations and ideas that are shared across them, a blog is a tricky thing. I've found that it is hard to write about things you are passionate about...like birth... on a blog because you never know who is reading what you wrote (unless they leave a comment) or if you were able to communicate your idea across to them in the right way. It is much easier to talk about things in person because then you both have the opportunity to clarify, to see facial expressions, tones of voice, and make sure you understand the other person's viewpoint. That is harder on a blog and I wish that I was a good enough writer that I could express myself so that I could be understood perfectly.

After some readers left heated comments on my guest post about birth and chickens and cows I've been worrying that, in my passion and zest for birth and empowered motherhood, I may have offended, hurt, or alienated some of my readers. In one comment someone claimed that I, "...often make comments that belittle or demean a hospital birth as the 'second class citizen' of births. After reading this post it seems to me that only those that are too scared, too weak, too unhealthy, or uninformed choose this 'lower' way of birthing."

This has really been haunting me because it makes me feel like... MUD... to think that I may have hurt anyone's feelings or discredited their birth experience. That is the LAST, the absolutely LAST thing, that I would want to convey to anyone. I've been agonizing over the idea that someone misunderstood me and is feeling belittled or ostracized because of what I wrote.

In all honesty I probably shouldn't have put a link to that post on this blog. When I wrote the post I asked the writer of the Gift of Giving Life blog if I could post it there because I knew it didn't "fit" on this blog. It isn't anything that is going in the book but I knew that it wasn't written for a general audience. I wrote it with a "birth advocacy" audience in mind. The purpose of the post wasn't to make a statement against hospital births-- or to make women who have had c-sections feel bad-- but to illustrate that women have a divine inner strength and knowledge about birth. I wanted to get the point across that doctors, midwives, doulas and other childbirth advocates need to trust and respect women's divine ability to give birth and that our practices in hospital-- and home-- births should reflect that. We need to be careful about when and how we use interventions because they affect women and babies, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Looking back I really shouldn't have linked to it, but like my high school journalism teacher liked to say, "Writing is an act of ego" and I guess I was a little too vain and wanted to share it with everyone.

Even though I am obviously passionate about home birth (and a part of me wishes that every woman could get a little taste of how incredible it is to witness a baby born in a home) I am most absolutely and positively, not anti-hospital birth, not anti-epidural, and not even anti-cesarean section. I truly believe that those are all wonderful advances in medicine and that they save a lot of women and babies lives. I realize that what is right for me is not right for everyone; that the "ultimate experience" of giving birth is going to be different for each woman and each baby.

One of the most important things that I have learned as I have been collecting birth stories for the book I am helping with is that God gives each woman different revelation about how her baby needs to be born. We've collected some really incredible stories for the book from women who have had intense spiritual experiences delivering babies with c-sections, epidurals, inductions, natural, at home, unassisted, and even women whose children needed to come to their home via adoption. I've seen that God has a different plan for each of His children and that sometimes a baby needs to be born a certain way in order for mother's and babies to learn important lessons. It is obvious that there is no one "right" way for a baby to be born and that natural births don't have the "corner on the market" for spiritual experiences during childbirth.

Ultimately, God is control of where, when and how babies get to this earth and our job is to trust Him and learn the lessons He wants us to learn from the experience. For some women and babies the lessons He want them to learn come through having home births, for others c-sections. We can't really judge another person's experience because we don't know what God's plan for them is or what type of experience they need. I don't think it really matters how or where a woman births, as long as she is counseling with her Heavenly Father, relying on the spirit, and trying to make decisions out of faith and not fear. Those are the important things.

That is my honest and sincere opinion for the deepest part of my soul. If sometimes I come across as being over zealous in my opinion of home birth, please forgive me... it is a hard burden to be passionate about something.