Feeling the Need to Explain Myself

While I really love blogging and love the conversations and ideas that are shared across them, a blog is a tricky thing. I've found that it is hard to write about things you are passionate about...like birth... on a blog because you never know who is reading what you wrote (unless they leave a comment) or if you were able to communicate your idea across to them in the right way. It is much easier to talk about things in person because then you both have the opportunity to clarify, to see facial expressions, tones of voice, and make sure you understand the other person's viewpoint. That is harder on a blog and I wish that I was a good enough writer that I could express myself so that I could be understood perfectly.

After some readers left heated comments on my guest post about birth and chickens and cows I've been worrying that, in my passion and zest for birth and empowered motherhood, I may have offended, hurt, or alienated some of my readers. In one comment someone claimed that I, "...often make comments that belittle or demean a hospital birth as the 'second class citizen' of births. After reading this post it seems to me that only those that are too scared, too weak, too unhealthy, or uninformed choose this 'lower' way of birthing."

This has really been haunting me because it makes me feel like... MUD... to think that I may have hurt anyone's feelings or discredited their birth experience. That is the LAST, the absolutely LAST thing, that I would want to convey to anyone. I've been agonizing over the idea that someone misunderstood me and is feeling belittled or ostracized because of what I wrote.

In all honesty I probably shouldn't have put a link to that post on this blog. When I wrote the post I asked the writer of the Gift of Giving Life blog if I could post it there because I knew it didn't "fit" on this blog. It isn't anything that is going in the book but I knew that it wasn't written for a general audience. I wrote it with a "birth advocacy" audience in mind. The purpose of the post wasn't to make a statement against hospital births-- or to make women who have had c-sections feel bad-- but to illustrate that women have a divine inner strength and knowledge about birth. I wanted to get the point across that doctors, midwives, doulas and other childbirth advocates need to trust and respect women's divine ability to give birth and that our practices in hospital-- and home-- births should reflect that. We need to be careful about when and how we use interventions because they affect women and babies, physically, spiritually and emotionally. Looking back I really shouldn't have linked to it, but like my high school journalism teacher liked to say, "Writing is an act of ego" and I guess I was a little too vain and wanted to share it with everyone.

Even though I am obviously passionate about home birth (and a part of me wishes that every woman could get a little taste of how incredible it is to witness a baby born in a home) I am most absolutely and positively, not anti-hospital birth, not anti-epidural, and not even anti-cesarean section. I truly believe that those are all wonderful advances in medicine and that they save a lot of women and babies lives. I realize that what is right for me is not right for everyone; that the "ultimate experience" of giving birth is going to be different for each woman and each baby.

One of the most important things that I have learned as I have been collecting birth stories for the book I am helping with is that God gives each woman different revelation about how her baby needs to be born. We've collected some really incredible stories for the book from women who have had intense spiritual experiences delivering babies with c-sections, epidurals, inductions, natural, at home, unassisted, and even women whose children needed to come to their home via adoption. I've seen that God has a different plan for each of His children and that sometimes a baby needs to be born a certain way in order for mother's and babies to learn important lessons. It is obvious that there is no one "right" way for a baby to be born and that natural births don't have the "corner on the market" for spiritual experiences during childbirth.

Ultimately, God is control of where, when and how babies get to this earth and our job is to trust Him and learn the lessons He wants us to learn from the experience. For some women and babies the lessons He want them to learn come through having home births, for others c-sections. We can't really judge another person's experience because we don't know what God's plan for them is or what type of experience they need. I don't think it really matters how or where a woman births, as long as she is counseling with her Heavenly Father, relying on the spirit, and trying to make decisions out of faith and not fear. Those are the important things.

That is my honest and sincere opinion for the deepest part of my soul. If sometimes I come across as being over zealous in my opinion of home birth, please forgive me... it is a hard burden to be passionate about something.

Everyone has Something to Give

About a year ago I discovered Freecycling and I thought that I'd take a moment and say how much I love and adore this wonderful program? idea? word?

If you aren't familiar with Freecycling here is a quick explanation: Most areas have a local yahoo group where people can post things they want to get rid of for free. You can also post asking for something that someone else might have and wants to get rid of. All the transactions are local and have to be made with no money changing hands. The idea is to prevent things from going to the dump that someone else might be able to use.

In the year that I've been particpating in Freecycling I have been a grateful recipient of some WONDERFUL free things, and have been the grateful giver of several items I was glad to have someone haul away. In fact, just yesterday a wonderful couple came and picked up the spare bed and pedastle sink we had lying around our house. They needed a bed for their grandson who was sleeping on a falling apart futon and were really grateful for the bed. It was the BEST feeling in the world to be able to give them something that they really needed and not to charge anything for it. It made me want to go post more things to give away just so I could get more happy tingly feelings.

This is the beautiful thing about Freecylce-- you get something for free, you are grateful for what you got, so you give something you don't need away for free, you get happy tingly feelings once you give it away, so you keeping giving more things away, until there comes a time when you need something again, then you get it for free, you are grateful... and the cycle starts all over again. I really think that Freecycling is a little bit like how living in a Zion like community will be like, when people can give freely of what they have to others without thinking about material gain.

Anyway, I LOVE Freecycling and hope that the idea catches on, because I think it does a wonderful job of building a sense of local community, cooperation, and service. In fact, I think the idea is so important that I just started a little mini Freecylce group in our Releif Society. We have a paper that goes around every week with things people need or things they want to get rid of. So far it has been working great.

If you haven't Freecylced yet-- YOU SHOULD! Everyone could use something for free, and everyone has something to give.

Paradigm Shift

Paradigm Shift: a fundamental change in approach or assumptions

I've always loved Israel. In tenth grade I did my country report on Israel. Some of my most favorite books are about Israel (ie. Exodus by Leon Uris). In college I took Hebrew for a semester. I seriously considered converting to Judaism for a year, just so I could go on the free Birthright trip. I cried when the BYU Jerusalem center closed, right before I was able to go. In Jordan it took great restraint to stop me from swimming across the Dead Sea (we couldn't go because they were bombing Lebanon at the time). My first "date" with Jon was to go talk to an orthodox rabbi. In fact, in my conditions I gave Jon when he asked if I would marry him (yes I gave him conditions) I made him promise to take me to Israel. It seems like ever since I can remember I've had a love affair with Israel.

But I think that love affair has ended.

Last month Jon and I went to go see a video called Occupation 101 hosted by a local peace organization. The guest speaker was one of Jon's environmental engineering professors who had just gotten back from a year long sabbatical in Palestine. In addition, several of Jon's classmates who are from Palestine were in attendance. The movie was AMAZING. It completely blew me away. I really had no idea what daily life is like for Palestinians, and how awful they are treated by Israel. The most amazing part was to hear Jon's classmates talk about their experiences. About how hard life has been for them, about friends who have been killed by Israeli settlers, and about how they try to survive from day to day. They said that the movie only brushed the surface of the violence and injustices that Palestinians suffer. It broke my heart, and really opened my eyes to why both sides are so angry.

I had learned from spending a few months in Jordan that the news in the US is COMPLETELY pro-Israeli. The only time that Palestinians are ever mentioned in the US media is when they are throwing rocks (think about all the Newsweek articles you've seen). It was SO upsetting to come back to the US after living in the Middle East and finding a complete disregard for the Palestinian plight. I realized that most Americans have NO CLUE about how Israel is treating the Palestinians. They think that the Palestinians are the ones causing the problems, and that they are the reason peace is impossible in the Middle East. But I think that if Americans really knew the truth behind what Israel is doing we'd be ashamed and angry.

I'm not going to delve into a history lesson right now because that would take too much time. But if you really want to understand the history behind the conflict I'd recommend reading "A Peace to End All Peace", by David Fromkin, if you can make it through it. If you want an easier and more graphic way to understand here are the first few minuets of Occupation 101. I'll warn you that the film is VERY biased and dramatic, but the historical information is correct.




There were two parts of the film that really stood out to me and really changed my feelings about Israel. The first was understanding what Israeli settlers really are. I'd heard on the news about the Israeli settlers being moved from the Gaza and about the troubles they seemed to get into with Palestinians, but I never understood what they really were doing. Israeli settlers bulldoze down Palestinian's homes (sometimes with them still in them) and destroy their cities, so that they can build new Jewish settlements in place of them (this story just happened last week). The settlements are often guarded and surrounded by barbed wire and have special roads that only Israelis can drive on. Also, every settler is required to have a gun and there are no consequences if they "accidentally" shoot someone. Jon's classmates said that some settlers like to shoot at Palestinian school kids when they walk to school. The whole idea behind settlements is to make life so miserable for the Palestinians that they will go away. Settlers believe that they are doing God's work in reclaiming for the Jews EVERY TOWN mentioned in the bible. The Palestinians are in the way, and so they are killed or forced to leave their homes. I can't imagine what it must be like to be a mother living in a place like that. Well, actually maybe I can a little bit because of this clip from the film.



The other part of the film that stood out to me was the AMAZING amount of foreign aid that Israel gets from the US. Israel receives 1/3rd of ALL the foreign aid that the US gives out! And what do they do with it? Kill Palestinians. That really makes my heartache, to think that my tax dollars are bulldozing down houses and supporting people who shoot school kids. The reason Israel can do what it is doing is because the US pays for it. Also, the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) is the third biggest lobby in the US legislature. Basically NO president or candidate could be elected if they spoke out against Israel. The string are embedded deep. I think this clip explains it better than I can.



The problem with speaking out about Israel in the US is that it is immediately classified as Anti-Semitic. Criticism of Israel's actions, no matter how violent or cruel, are seen as an attack on Judaism. But I don't think that is necessarily true. Just like most Arabs don't hate Americans, just their politics. Most Palestinians (according to Jon's classmate) don't hate Jews, they just hate the actions of Israel and the Zionist mentality. Most Palestinians would be willing to share the land and let the Jews have a homeland. It would TOTALLY be possible for the Jews to have a homeland without killing Palestinians and forcing them out of their homes. I don't think that is what God had in mind.

I know this is a bit of a rant, but today I heard on the news that Jerusalem just got a new major who is planning on extending Jewish settlements into the Arab parts of Jerusalem. AGGG! I don't see how they can even talk about peace, when every day they keep destroying more lives.

I know that being critical of Israel is especially hard from an LDS viewpoint, but I'm going to write more on that later. I want to make it clear that I AM NOT being anti-Semitic or criticizing the Jewish religion. I have a deep respect for Judaism and have many Jewish friends. But it just breaks my heart to know what is happening to children of God, and to know that I am indirectly helping it. I feel compelled to speak out about this because no one else is. I hope that this post will have opened your eyes to what is going on in Israel and that you will listen to the news with a more critical ears. I'd like to think that if Americans had the blinders lifted off their eyes for just a few seconds their hearts would be softened and they would demand that things change. All I can really do is keep praying.

One last note-- this may come as a shock to Americans, but if you want a REALLY good source of news you should read Al-Jazeera. I think it even beats the BBC for consistently telling both sides of the story.

Laboring to Save Home Births

This is a BEAUTIFUL article about the struggle the Amish women are having to protect their right to have home births.

I LOVE the last few paragraphs when one Amish woman describes her birth. She says “I pace my kitchen floor, lean over my chair, say my prayers…. When Diane comes, she’s my boss.” The article continues, "Even Annie’s most difficult delivery was met with a sunrise, a moment so tranquil, she recalls, she gave the child the middle name of “Joy.” An Amish mother expecting her sixth child recalls how Goslin (the midwife) strapped her birthing supplies on a toboggan and walked uphill to her farm when the road was impassible one winter. “I didn’t even think to be worried. I figured she’d get here. She always does.”

I LOVE this perspective on birth-- filled with Joy, Faith and Trust instead of fear, uncertainty and not trusting that women's bodies know what they are doing. I REALLY believe that this is how birth is suppose to be-- natural, peaceful and attended to by a woman whom the mother trusts and admires.

I feel SO lucky that I had an AMAZING midwife. Over the few months that I got to know her, Vivian really became a dear friend and a woman whom I would trust with my life. She gave me physical, mental, emotional and most importantly SPIRITUAL strength. She helped me learn to trust my body and my baby and how not to be afraid. I will be eternally grateful to her because she stood by and watched as I labored, and she was there at my hardest moments comforting me and urging me forward. She received my baby and I loved it that her loving hands were the first touch Asher felt in the world (well besides me touching his head to make sure he was coming out). She cried with me afterwards, and held my hand days later when I was exhausted and overwhelmed.

I know home birth isn't for everyone, but mine was an AMAZING experience. It was sacred and life changing. I truly believe that every woman has a right to decide how and where to give birth and that NO one has a right to decide that for her. It makes me so upset that organizations and some doctors are trying to take that right away from women! I admire the Amish women for standing up for their rights.

This REALLY upsets me!

Yesterday California began allowing same-sex couples to be legally married. This decision by the Supreme Court overruled the 2000 ballot measure in which 61% of California voters approved Proposition 22, that said "only marriage between a man and a woman is valid and recognized in California."

The vote was 4-3 in the Supreme Court. It really makes me upset that ONE vote of a Supreme Court justice who favors same-sex marriage, overrules 61% votes from Californians who DON'T want same-sex marriage. To me this seems like the court has WAY overstepped its boundaries. If the majority of voters voted for something it seems to me that it is a blatant disregard for the Constitution to allow ONE person to override that! Who said that the Supreme Court should even be allowed to make law. The very first sentence of the Constitution says that ALL legislative authority is VESTED in the Congress. So, it’s Congress who“makes law” and they can not delegate their lawmaking power to anyone. California shouldn't have allowed same-sex marriages to take place without it either becoming an official law (passed by Congress) or amended into the State Constitution! It really makes me upset when courts take too much Judicial freedom and make "laws" that they have no authority to make.

I sincerely hope that voters are able to overturn the ruling in the November election, and that if they do the decision will be respected!

Those who believe the family is ordained of God and that marriage between man and women is essential to God's eternal plan, REALLY need to stand up and speak out to protect marriage and family. I know several people who are in same-sex relationships and they are good people. I respect that they have their freedom to choose how to live, but I firmly believe that marriage should ONLY be between a man and woman. Children have the divine right to be born into home with both a father and a mother. I see this step by California as another evidence of how the value of the family is disintegrating in our society and it really makes me sad.

Sometimes it feels like everything I believe strongly in and cherish is mocked and destroyed by the "world", I hate feeling like everything is out-of-control and I can't do a thing to stop it! What type of world will my babies inherit?

History Repeats Itself

1870- Black men get the right to vote. Granted not many did because they feared for their lives, but they got the right to vote with very little effort on their part.

1920- FIFTY years later! Women earn the right to vote, after a long and hard struggle.

It seems that this year in the Democratic primary election history is repeating itself.

My unofficial official prediction is that Obama will win the primary (which after the results of the Indiana and North Carolina primaries yesterday is looking much more likely) not because he is the "best" candidate for president, but because the US will elect a black man as president first before they will ever elect a woman to be president.

It kind of ruffles my feathers and fluffs my muffins that the presidential race is more of a competition between race and gender, than it is over policies and issues.

I have to admit that if Clinton drops out I will be sad, not because I necessarily want her to be president, but because it means that we might just have to wait fifty more years till some qualified and hard working woman gets her chance. While I don't agree with all of Hillary Clinton's policies, I do respect her fighting spirit. I hope she fights it out to the end because I think the US needs a woman president. It probably will not be Hillary Clinton, but somewhere there is a little 10 year-old girl who fifty years from now might finish what she began.

The Top Ten things I Couldn't Live Without

I have several friends who are going to be first time moms in the next few months and so I thought I'd make a list of the top 10 things I've found that I couldn't live without as a mother. (#1 is the least essential most essential thing, and #10 is the most essential essential thing)

1) Boppy Pillow

This was a life saver for the first few months of breastfeeding. It is hard enough to try to figure out how to hold the baby and get then trying to everything adjusted is impossible. This pillow REALLY helped. I would say that any mother planning to breastfeed should get one of these, especially if it is your first time.

2) Crib Mobile

Asher's Grandma Farrell gave this to him for Christmas and he loves it! I was really skeptical about mobiles. I thought they were just to make the crib look cute and for parents to look at. I was so surprised that he likes it so much. He gets really excited when I turn it on and flaps his arms and smiles. It will entertain him just long enough for me to get a load of laundry in or to go to the bathroom-- oh the joys of motherhood!


3) Shout Spray and Wash

When I was single I NEVER had to use this stuff. But now with two boys in the house I think I am going to have to start buying cases of it at COSCO! Between Jon's greasy messes (from working on cars, bikes, in the chemistry lab, and who knows what else) and Asher's poopy messes I've been very grateful for it. I hate washing out poopy clothes and usually just wait to treat it with this stuff and wash it two or three times if I have to (not very environmentally friendly- I know).

4) Medela Hand-held Breast Pump

This is great and very handy. What more can I say. I'm sure electric ones are nice too but I didn't have the money for one. This works really well and only takes about 10 min to do both sides. So if you are looking for a less expensive pump I recommend this one.

5) This crazy rattle

I got this at a baby shower and can't remember who gave it to me (so thank you who ever you are). I thought it looked weird and didn't really like it, but it is Asher's FAVORITE! Whoever designed it knew what babies like-- it has a big ball for easy sucking, different rings of texture to chew and slobber on and rings to shake to make noise. It is great!

6) Pacifier

I am SO grateful that Asher will still take his pacifier (even though sometimes we have to trick him and dip it in water to get him to suck on it). It is the only way he will fall asleep (okay not the ONLY way, but the easiest and least noisy way. I know that some people don't like pacifiers and that sometimes they can teach baby bad sucking patterns, but it has been a life saver for me. We really like the MAM brand.

7) Bouncy chair

This is another thing I was skeptical about getting - I thought it would just take up room in our house- but it has been a necessity! Asher thinks this chair is the greatest thing since getting his diaper changed. He learned at a really little age that if he kicks both his feet he can make it bouncy crazy hard. I usually put him in it while we eat breakfast or dinner and it is cute to watch him kick and kick to get himself going. (PS. Asher is wearing Jon's socks in this picture-- Asher's socks are always falling off so this was Jon's solution :)

8) Fleece swaddling blanket

Asher is a little Houdini baby. He can get his arms out of almost any swaddle that you put him in-- except in this blanket. This is just a piece of stretch fleece that someone surged the edge on. But the best part is that you can stretch it and make it super tight around him so that he can't get his arms up and punch himself in the face with them. We've found that if we swaddle him tight up in this blanket, put a pacifier in his mouth and then wrap a fuzzy blanket around his face to keep the pacifier from falling out he will fall asleep by himself. That is the BEST thing he has learned to do so far!

9) Moby wrap

When I was pregnant I saw a lady wearing one of these with her four-month-old at a BYU football game. I went up and asked her how it worked and where she got one. She had made it and told me it was really simple to make. It is! It is just one long piece of material (4 yards of stretchy cotton material that is 22 inches wide). Mine has a seam in the middle because 1) my material was only 2 yds long and I cut it in half 2) it makes it easier to find the center. This is the BEST sling! Especially for little babies. It keeps them snug and warm and they can fall asleep in it pretty easy. We've been putting Asher in it since he was a week old and he loves it. It is great for taking him to church in because he will fall asleep in it for about 2 hours. Here are instructions of how to put it on and ways to wear your baby in it.

10) Jon

Sorry ladies but I have to one and only, and he isn't for sale. This beautiful boy has been WONDERFUL with Asher and is enthusiastic about changing diapers, cleaning up spit up, doing laundry and getting up in the middle of the night (even when he has to be to work early). He is always wanting to hold, carry, play with and snuggle Asher. He especially loves carrying him around in the moby wrap- he says he likes the attention he gets and feels that it gives him more empathy for what it must feel like to be pregnant! Yep--basically I got the dream man.

What have you found is a MUST HAVE for new moms (or "old" moms)?

One Week of Food

Italy: The Manzo family of Sicily
Food expenditure for one week: 214.36 Euros or $260.11

Germany: The Melander family of Bargteheide
Food expenditure for one week: 375.39 Euros or $500.07

United States: The Revis family of North Carolina (Sure hope most American
families eat more fresh fruits and vegetables and less junk food than this family.)

Food expenditure for one week $341.98


Mexico: The Casales family of Cuernavaca
Food expenditure for one week: 1,862.78 Mexican Pesos or $189.09

Poland: The Sobczynscy family of Konstancin-Jeziorna
Food expenditure for one week: 582.48 Zlotys or $151.27

Egypt: The Ahmed family of Cairo
Food expenditure for one week: 387.85 Egyptian Pounds or $68.53

Ecuador: The Ayme family of Tingo
Food expenditure for one week: $31.55

Bhutan: The Namgay family of Shingkhey Village
Food expenditure for one week: 224.93 ngultrum or $5.03


Chad: The Aboubakar family of Breidjing Camp
Food expenditure for one week: 685 CFA Francs or $1.23

I would love to get your comments on this one and what thoughts went through your mind as you read this.
I thought it was SO interesting. Do you notice that the family size keeps getting bigger but the amount of food decreases or stays the same. It really illustrates the inequalities in the world and how incredibly blessed we are!
Jon and I decided that we wanted to track how much we eat and how much money we spend on food and take a picture. It would be really interesting to get pictures from other people as well-- if you are up to the challenge. I think I'll just keep the empty cartons of what we eat so I don't have to buy all new food. If you want to participate email your picture to me at heatherlady@gmail.com, or if it is too much work to take a picture, how much your family spends on food a week.
Take a minute to be grateful for what you take for granted!

Les Miserables

Last night we went to go see Les Miserables at the Pioneer Theater in SLC. We didn't actually have tickets because the show has been almost completely sold out for a few weeks (actually I think the house manager told us that there is one ticket left for any of the showings!). So we decided to try our luck with the student "Rush" tickets. We thought the curtain was at 7pm so we got there and hour early at 6pm, but found out that the curtain wasn't till 7:30 pm. So while we had to wait nearly and hour and half-- in the sun:(-- we were first in line and got really good seats. We made it in about five min. before curtain (the others in the line didn't get tickets until the second act).


WE LOVED IT! It was such an amazing show. I loved the message of the show-- which I'm sure is different for everyone. For me the story was about peace-- finding peace amid a fallen and chaotic world. That each person that comes into life is met with injustice, war, vulgarity, evil, hatred and pain, but that there are ways to overcome them and to live a good life. I was also impressed with the themes of justice and mercy and war and peace that ran throughout the show! Jon's favorite character was Valjean and I really loved Eponine, especially her song "On my own". I thought she was quite the tragic hero of the whole show.


Oh, man it was SO good. I highly recommend it-- even if you have to stand in the sun for an hour!