On Chicks and Cows

I finally got the video of my chicks hatching uploaded! It is in segments and there is kind of a long blurp of Asher running around our backyard digging in the dirt, showing off his new underpants, and saying cute things like "Cookie Mauker" and "Scripture Powder" (ie. Cookie Monster and Scripture Power). Oh... and please... ignore the brief martial skiff... we aren't perfect by any means.

Also I wrote a guest post at the Gift of Giving Life about what I learned about birth from watching my chickens hatch... and a really great story about cows.

Food, Inc.

If any of you missed the PBS broadcast of Food, Inc. this week you can still see it on-line here until tomorrow night at midnight.

I think this movie might be, or has the possibility to be, to the industrialized food industry what the book "The Jungle" by Upton Sinclair was to the meat packaging industries in the early 1900's. It is really so crazy that we have NO idea how our food is made or where it comes from. I've already been on the "edge" of radically changing my family's eating habits for quite some time and I think this movie defiantly just put me over the "edge".

This is really worth your time.... and I'd love to hear what you think about it.

I'm Not Really Sure if it Counts...

but today is Asher's 4th... maybe 5th... day of wearing underpants without an accident.

Can you see my smile.

I am still hesitant to declare him "potty trained" because as soon as I do I know he'll have a relapse on me.

And I still haven't gotten him to go #2 on the potty yet. He still wears a diaper at night time and usually goes #2 in it first thing in the morning. He almost went once but it ended up in A LOT of screaming, crying and some half in and half out of the toilet. I'm not really going to push it because I'm sure that eventually he'll decide to overcome his fear of pooping on the potty.

More than you wanted to know?

Just wait... one day you will have a toddler and all of sudden his/her bowel movements will determine the course of your day.

Then you will understand my glee.

They Hatched!

I'm proud to introduce...

4

baby chicks

as the newest members of our chicken family!

The first one started hatching last Friday night. When I went out to check on them Saturday morning I lifted up the hen and much to my surprise there was a fluffy little chick under her!

It was a wonderful way to start the morning out.

The rest of the day was so much fun because each time we went out to check there was a new chick or one was in the process of hatching.

The birth nut in me LOVED it and Asher was pretty giddy too. I only got to see one of them actually break out of the shell, but I didn't get that one on video because I was afraid I'd miss it if I ran back for the camera. I got some of it on camera but I am having technical difficulties getting it posted, so I will try to do that this weekend if at all possible.

It was really incredible to watch these little babies be born and I found myself learning more beautiful truths about birth and life (which will be have to be saved for a another post).

Life is really such a miracle.

It was kind of sad that three of the eggs didn't hatch but I guess they must not have been fertilized... or were just duds.

It is also really cute to watch our hen mother her chicks. She has definitely fallen into the "Mother Hen" roll and is SO protective of her little babies. She is always clucking at them to make sure they stay near her and when one of them wanders away she chases after it. It is rather sweet. I think my favorite thing is to open up the coop and see her sitting on her nest with all the little chicks under her. Her body just wiggles and squirms with the wiggly chicks who every once in awhile pop their heads out from under he wings. She is a natural mother.

I think we will keep doing this egg hatching thing every year, if we can, because I think it is an incredible way for Asher, and eventually Rose, to learn about the miracle of life, birth, creation, and how to be good stewards of the earth...not to mention it was SO fun.

The next challenge is going to be trying to figure out who each chicks real biological mother is. They all have the same dad but I'm afraid we might have some strange genetic combinations.

My First Adventrue in Web Design

I just designed my first website... from the bottom up... and I am really excited about it.

You can see it here

It is the website for the Doula Association I belong to and I think it will really help to get the word out about doulas in our community. If you know of anyone in my area who might want a doula PLEASE pass this website on to them!

I'd love to get your honesty opinion about it. Is it aesthetically pleasing? Easy to read and understand? Easy to navigate? Do you feel like you understand what a doula is and what they do after reading it? I'd love some feedback on it.

It was really fun to make and I think it would be fun to take a web design class sometime so that I could do the really fancy stuff. Maybe someday.

By the way... I think my chicks might be hatching soon. This morning one of the eggs had a little crack in it, like someone had pecked their beak at it! So maybe this weekend I'll have some new babies.

What Do You Think About Home School?

I don't necessarily agree or disagree with this cartoon, but I thought it brought up and interesting debate.
I am really interested to know people's honest opinions and experiences about how they made or are making their decision to school their children. So if this cartoon sparks something in you... please share.

Several months ago a friend invited me to go to with her to a workshop about how to home school your children. I've toyed around with the idea of home schooling my children but I've never been to dead set on it. I am a bit... okay a lot... intimidated by the idea. Yet then there is a part of me that gets so excited about it. So I went with her just to see what this home school thing is all about.

During our break I was in a group of experienced home school moms and I told them they had 5 minutes to convince me to be a home school mom. They did a pretty good job. They all spoke of how wonderful their teenagers were and how versatile they were. How they could interact really well with all sorts of people-- little children, their peers and adults-- and hadn't ever gone through the rebellious teenager phase. They also spoke about how much fun it was to home school and about what a great community of home schooling families there is in our area.Yet I think that their most convincing argument for me was:

1. Several of the moms (at least 1/3rd) had been trained as school teachers and had worked in the schools for several years. They had made the decision to home school their children because they knew that if they wanted to freedom to teach like they wanted, and if they wanted their children to get the best, absolutely the best education they would have to get it at home.
   

This argument really resonated with me as a doula because as a doula you get to see so many different ways to birth and almost all the doulas I know choose to give birth at home. I think this is because after seeing all the different possibilities for how to birth they come to realize that if they want the freedom to birth how they want then they need to have their baby at home.

There is something so innately holy and beautiful about the home and in a day in age when the family is so under attack I sort of like the idea of keeping my children tied closely to their family and to their home-- spiritually, physically and mentally.

Yet I do have some concerns about home schooling. I feel kind of strongly about public education and about making sure all children, no matter their situation, have a good education. I feel like taking my children out of public school would be a bit selfish because I could use the energy towards making public schools a good experience for all children. Also, I'm afraid of getting "mother burn out". Already, I sometimes fantasize about how nice it will be to send my children away for a good part of every day so that I have time for myself and time pursue some of my personal pursuits. Yet, then I remember that there really is no other job more important than being a mother and that the most important work I can do is to teach and lead my children to do what is good and right.

Basically.... I haven't decided on how I want to educate my children. I know I still have a couple of years before I have to make that decision, but I feel like something as important as how your kids are educated should be given a lot of thought. I think I am going to attempt a home school pre-school and see how it goes. I'll just take it one step at a time because... really, the idea of home schooling kind of scares the pants off of me. Yet then again so did the idea of having a home birth, but I conquered that one with God's help and gave birth pretty much fear free both times. I have no doubt that if God tells me that home school is what is right for my family that I will be able to do it and conquer my fears.

But... I haven't asked Him yet so I'm not quite sure what we'll do. Still I'd like to get other people's thoughts about schooling. How did you make the decision to educate your children?

If you home school your children (or are planning to) what are your reasons?

If you public school your children (or are planning to) what are your reasons?

Life Tastes Good

Sometimes I can't believe that these two little ragamuffins actually exist... and that by some great miracle I get to be their mother.

Since this is the place where I archive all the photos and videos I don't want to loose in case our house burns down I am posting some videos of Rose laughing, crying and clapping. She really has the best laugh...half the time you can't tell if she is laughing or crying. I wonder if that is how it will be when she is older? I kind of hope so. But if not I don't want to forget what it sounds like, nor do I want to forget her sweet little cry, nor how her face lights ups when she sees she is getting attention for clapping. It makes me kind of sad she is getting so big!

Gone Broody

About two weeks ago our little black silkie hen went "broody", which means she stopped laying her own eggs and wanted to sit on her nest all day. When a hen goes broody it is because she wants to incubate and hatch some chicks. Most modern chicken breeds have had the "broodiness" and "motherliness" bred out of them because they aren't desirable traits for chickens you want to get the maximum egg laying capacity out of. Silikies though still have the genetics to be really good mothers and are some of the best "brooders".

So when our silkie went broody I was really excited because I've been wanting to hatch some of our own eggs this Spring and get little chicks. I had her sit on golf balls and ping pong balls for a few days to make sure that she was serious about being a mother and wouldn't get up and desert her nest.

She remained faithful and so about a week ago I moved her into her own little coop away from the other chickens and gave her 7 eggs to sit on. She has been siting on the eggs for about a week now and I am starting to get really excited. I just hope that some of them hatch. I might try "candling" some of them in a few days to see if I can see any developing embryo's', but I've realized that broody chickens are kind of like laboring women and that they do best if just leave them alone... the more you mess with them the more likely the chances are of something going wrong. So, maybe I'll just leave her alone and let her stay in her rhythm... or maybe I'll be like an annoying nurse and keep "checking" her to see if the eggs are making progress. It would be really cool if we could see the little chickens developing inside!

Check back in about two weeks for some exciting egg hatching... hopefully... Jon might be out of town so he's made me promise I'll get it on video!

Why I Love My Stretch Marks

Do you remember that part in Gone With the Wind when Scarlet has just had her baby and is upset because Mammy can only get her corset laced up to 21 inches instead of her pre-pregnancy 19 inches ?

Mammy tells her, "Honey child, you done had a baby. You ain't never gun a be 19 inches again."

I think those are some of the wisest words of the entire show and lately they have been circulating through my mind a lot.

My little nursling will be 7 months old soon and my body is still not back to how it was before I was pregnant with her. Even though I've been back to my original weight for a few months (breastfeeding works wonders on my metabolism) my body is still different. I'm sure you wouldn't notice anything by looking at me, but I've lived in my body for a quarter of century and I can tell you that things aren't the same as before-- my hips are wider, my chest is a bit more saggy, my core muscles aren't quite as tight, and I have six purple marks on my side that remind me my belly really can stretch to an unfathomable size.

I just have to keep telling myself, "Heather child, you done had two babies. Your body ain't never gun a be the same again."

It has taken me awhile to come to terms with it, but it is true. No matter how hard I try my body is never gone to be the same as it was before I had my children. My children are literally parts of myself and they exist because my body sacrificed blood, cells, calcium, iron and millions of other particles to make them. I am literally missing pieces of my body that I will never be able to get back because they are now walking, talking, breathing, laughing, crying, and living in the form of two beautiful children. Becoming a mother, even if you don't physically give birth to a child, requires a huge sacrifice from your body and spirit. It is a sacrifice, that according to Elder Bruce C. Hafen of the First Quorum of the Seventy and his wife Marie K. Hafen, greatly parallels the sacrifice made by our Savior, they said:

"Just as a mother's body may be permanently marked with the signs of pregnancy and childbirth, [the Savior] said, 'I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands' (1 Ne. 21:15–16). For both a mother and the Savior, those marks memorialize a wrenching sacrifice--the sacrifice of begetting life--for her, physical birth; for him, spiritual rebirth" ("'Eve Heard All These Things and Was Glad': Grace and Learning by Experience," in Dawn Hall Anderson and Susette Fletcher Green, eds.,Women in the Covenant of Grace: Talks Selected from the 1993 Women's Conference [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1994], p. 29)."

I gives me strength to remember that just as Christ bears marks in his hands, feet and side as symbols of his blood sacrifice; I too have stretch marks on my side that bear testimony to my sacrifice of blood and my willingness to bring life into the world. I find strength to go forward with my mothering by remembering that just as Christ's body was resurrected, making him complete physically and spiritually, that my body is constantly renewing itself and that one day I too will be complete, physically and spiritually. I also know that my joy is more full because of my children and that because of the sacrifice my body has made life will go forward and my family will go on eternally.

So for all the mothers our there I want to remind you to rejoice in your stretch marks, to be grateful for your extra weight and wider hips, to accept your c-section scar, and to find joy in the tired bags under your eyes because they are symbols of your sacrifice.

For all you who have yet to become mothers I want to remind you to rejoice in the blood you shed each month because it is a beautiful symbol of hope and it bears testimony to the promise of continuing life.

And for all you women who are struggling with loving and accepting your body I want to remind you that anything or anyone that belittles, exploits, demeans, or mistrusts your body is not from God. Your body is beautiful, mind boggling amazing, and so deeply symbolic of Christ. Also, remember that in the eternal scheme of things-- frankly my dear, no one will give a damn if you had a 19 inch waist or not. If you are shocked by my swearing, you need to watch the end of Gone with the Wind :)

The Smallest Egg

One of our ladies laid this little egg last week. The one on the right is a normal sized egg... and this is a normal sized quarter.

We haven't broken it open yet to see if it has little yolk inside of it yet, but weird... huh? I'd heard that the first egg a chicken lays is sometimes really small but all of our ladies have been laying eggs for at least three months. Maybe somebody was just tired and didn't want to give the egg laying thing their full effort?

In other chicken news...

... it is about time to start thinking about getting some new chicks. So wonderful. Babies are the best.

.... our rooster, Mr. Featherstone, is out to get me.

No really, he is.

Every time I walk out the chicken coop he follows me around... strutting. Then when I turn my back to him he runs at me and trys to peck my heels.

It hurts!

If I turn around and yell at him he puffs up his feathers and starts dancing around like he wants to fight me...

and lately...

don't think less of me

...I've taken to throwing rocks at him to keep him away or even giving him a good kick in the tummy when he comes at me.

It doesn't seem to phase him at all and he still tries to take me on.

I don't really know why.

He doesn't bother Jon at all.

I think it might be because I'm a woman...

and he thinks he can pull something over on me.

Ha. I don't he knows what kind of woman he is dealing with.

Asher on Skis

A few weeks ago Jon's cousin invited us to go with her husband's family up to a local ski resort for night skiing. Ski rentals were really cheap so we decided to get Asher a little pair of skis and take him down the bunny hill.

He really enjoyed getting the skis on and was really excited about "skeen". There was just about NOTHING sweeter in the world than Jon walking around with Rose in the backpack and and little Asher in the smallest skis I've ever seen.

We didn't take him on the lift, even though Jon really wanted to. I was just too terrified he would fall off and so I insisted we just take him down the "magic carpet" (imagine a flat escalator in the snow). Jon held him between his legs and tried to get Asher to do a "snow plow". Ash really liked it for about two times down and then he threw a tantrum. Jon took him down several more times but he screamed the whole way. I think he was cold and ready to get the weird things off his feet. Jon was kind of disappointed because he REALLY wanted Asher to like it. Once upon time in high school Jon was quite the ski bum and I think he'd always fantasized about how it would be to take his little boy skiing for the first time... I don't think he imagined a screaming, kicking fireball.

I had to remind Jon that Asher is still REALLY little for skiing and that next year he will probably be really excited about it... hopefully.

Rose also got to go skiing. I took her down the hill in my backpack (remember we didn't ride the lift so don't panic) and I got THE funniest looks. I don't think she was too impressed though because she fell asleep pretty quick. Oh, and just so you know it is a strange feeling to downhill ski with twenty extra pounds of cute blue fluff on your back.

I Can Tell Spring is Coming Soon...

because the woodpecker has started pecking on our chimney pipe again.

Several times a day I hear a drumming rattling noise coming from the roof...

and it reminds me that Spring is just around the corner.

And

That there is a very confused

woodpecker up on our roof trying to make his nest in a iron pipe.

Good luck tragically mixed up little bird...

welcome back...

but try not to give yourself too big a headache.

Midwifery as a Calling

Dr. Ellis Ship and her "sister-wives"
Image Source

Did you know that the early days of the Mormon church, midwifery was a spiritual calling? That a woman was called to be a midwife by priesthood authority, often after having been nominated by the Relief Society, and set apart by the laying on of hands. She was usually set apart by a General Authority of the church, if available, and the calling was for life, much like the calling of Patriarch.

Interested?

I've been doing a lot of research about early Mormon midwifery and women's birth experiences for the book I am helping with. I have some incredible stories.

Read more about it on my guest post "Midwifery as a calling" at The Gift of Giving Life.

I'm a Hypenator

This week I went to a dinner to commemorate the director of the Women's Research Institute (WRI) at BYU. The WRI is being dissolved (which is tragic and such a step backwards!) and so the director, Bonnie, is "retiring". It was a bitter sweet evening. I loved getting to see all the amazing women I worked with for almost 4 years when I was a research assistant there, but like a funeral there was that underlying sadness that is hard to rise above. They asked if I would speak for a few minutes about what Bonnie and the WRI have meant in my life. This is what I wrote. I wanted to share it because it is the best tribute I can make to an amazing woman and an amazing institution. Also, because I thought that it was time I let you all in on my deep, not so dark, secret....

I have a hyphen in my last name. I put it in on a whim just after I got married. It wasn’t a pre-thought out decision. When the lady at the social security office gave me the form to write my new married name on I wrote both my maiden name and my married name in the last name box, then in a moment of panic I quickly put a sloppy hyphen in between them and slid it under the window. As I walked out of the office I couldn’t believe what I had just done. Part of me secretly hoped that the social security office wouldn’t notice the hyphen and forget to put it in. No such luck, a few weeks later I got my social security card and there was my new name with a big hyphen in the middle. My husband of just a few weeks took one look at it (I hadn’t told him about the hyphen yet) started to laugh and said “I knew it, I just knew it. You are one of those hyphenators.”

And I guess I am…. Whatever that means.

My dear friend and mentor is also one of “those hyphenators”, and perhaps she is the reason my subconscious decided I needed to have a hyphen in my name. Through her example and friendship she taught me that there are as many different ways to be a woman as there are woman in this world and that we each having something beautiful and valuable to contribute. She and the WRI came into my life when I needed them the most. I was young and struggling with what it meant to be a woman. She guided me, loved me and showed me how to find a beautiful balance in my life. In truth, she gave me my hyphen—the ability to find unity and peace within myself and with my place in the world. Instead of letting opposing and contradicting ideas or identities tear me apart I’ve been able to use my hyphen bridge the gap and find peace between them. For example, because of the hyphen I am now a mother who is a feminist, married but independent, a stay-at-home mom with a career, a believer who questions, and a supportive wife with two last names.

In the last few years I’ve thought a lot about this hyphen in my name. I still don’t know exactly why I put it in. I don’t use it socially and the only time it shows up is on super official documents like my taxes and school transcripts. Sometimes I want to take it out but then something in me rebels against it. I think deep down inside I really like my hyphenated identity. Not only does the hyphen symbolically unify my pre-marriage identity with my marriage identity but it has helped me look at the world in a different way. I’ve come to realize that most women lead "hyphenated lives" and that they are constantly trying to find ways to unify the many facets of their lives. They struggle to balance and juggle contradictions and complexities. Discovering how to unify their experiences, culture, and ancestry with their dreams, thoughts and passions. I’ve realized that it is a never-ending challenge for a woman to learn how to unify her many identities and that perhaps that is the struggle and joy of being a woman... learning to find the balance and peace between your hyphens.

I think that the hyphen is the greatest gift Bonnie and the Women’s Research Institute have given me; the knowledge that there is no one right way to be a woman and that a woman who is unified and at peace within herself is able to be a powerful instrument in the hands of God. Bonnie is a beautiful instrument and God has worked powerful and beautiful miracles through her. I will be forever grateful for this amazing woman, for her strength, her faith, her intelligence and her love. I’ve learned important eternal lessons from watching her balance her motherhood, her career, her trials, her friendships and her passions. She is an angel in her own way and I want her to know that her example has influenced and shaped my life in an incredible way. I am a woman at peace within myself and with my hyphens because of her guidance and I hope and I promise that I will teach my tiny six-month old daughter some of what Bonnie taught me. We will continue to work towards a world where men and women have true peace... and not just tolerance and coexistence. Thank you Bonnie. I love you.

Creating Disciples

I never wanted to me a mother who spanked her children. I got spanked as a child and while I don't think it scarred me permanently, it was humiliating and hurtful. Spanking has always seemed a bit hypocritical to me... why just because I'm bigger is it okay for me to get angry and hit him for hitting his sister... and I always told myself I wouldn't do it. Yet, several times in the last week when Asher has loved his sister way too violently and I'm afraid he might have inflicted permanent brain damage on her, I've lost my cool and pulled down his diaper and given him a good swat on the bottom. Almost immediately I've regretted it and watching him cry and tell me "no hit, mama no hit" has just about broken my heart. One particular time after I spanked him I looked into his tear filled eyes and the spirit whispered to my heart that if I kept this type of discipline up I would eventually loose this little boy when he was older.

That revelation scared me and since then I've really been praying and studying about how to be a good parent... specifically about how to teach my children self-control and how to listen and obey. I read a really great book called "The Soft Spoken Parent" by H. Wallace Goddard and he pointed out that God never really punishes us but that we just feel the consequences of our action. Instead God "nurtures" and "admonishes" us. I love those two words, nurture and admonish, they seem so much more doable to me than heavy words like "discipline" and "punish". I've been thinking a lot about nurturing and admonishing and feel like those are things I can do and feel good about. I can nurture the qualities I want to see in my son-- kindness, loving, gentleness, determination, honesty, integrity, curiosity-- by praising him, encouraging and rewarding good behaviors, being an example to him, and recognizing his divine talents and spirit. I can also admonish or correct those behaviors I don't want to see him develop--- force, spite, jealously, greed-- by teaching him what is right and wrong, modeling correct behaviors, chastising at times but then showing forth more love after wards. I can do those things!

The other big revelation I have had on discipline is that the root word of discipline is "disciple" and that no matter how hard I try I will never be able to "discipline" my son. He is the only one who can make himself a "disciple" and choose to follow and obey. I can't force or punish him to get him to do what is right. I can only nurture and admonish him and help guide him towards the true Light of Christ and... eventually... he will choose to do what is right and he will be a true disciple. I know that the world my two little ones will be growing up in is going to be wicked and hard, really hard, and that they are going to have internal discipline much earlier than I or my parents ever had to have and I want to help them develop that. I want them to have a discipline that comes deep from inside their souls so that when I am not around they will still know what is right and will want to do it because the love and understand both their earthly and heavenly parents.

I've also realize that to teach discipline I need to be a better disciple myself of Jesus Christ. I need to learn to control my temper and to not ever punish or "discipline" when I am angry or out of control. My new parenting mantra is "only act out of love" if I am feeling angry and... to say the least... not full of love then I'm not allowed to admonish or chastise. I can't ever imagine our Heavenly Father loosing His cool and striking me down with lightening because He got frustrated with me. He is much more patient and loving than that and I want to become more like Him. But being a parent is hard... harder than I ever expected and I have a feeling that it just gets harder from here on out!

About two second after I took this picture he dumped his sister of the floor.
She bumped her head so hard she threw up. It was one of those moments in which I wish I would have been filled with more love.

What ways have you found to "nurture" and "admonish" your children that have worked to help them become disciples and learn self-control?

Spanish Mattress Commerical

This is such a beautiful ad. If I were really rich I would love to do more mainstream ads like this so that American women could see how normal, peaceful and beautiful birth can be... that it isn't all fear, drama, and screaming. Also I love this ad because there is something so deeply beautiful and intimate about a baby being born in the same bed or house in which he was conceived. Too bad that I don't think this type of ad would fly in the US... maybe someday.



Thanks to Musing of a Redhead for this video

Overwhelmed

Tonight as I was holding Rose and singing

to Asher

I looked in their eyes

and I realized that there are huge spirits inside

those tiny bodies

I saw wisdom shine out through their eyes

I saw love

and knowledge

and it humbled me to think that these great spirits

have put their faith

in me

to lead and guide them to the Light

I'm overwhelmed

and I can't help but wonder who they really are

eternally.

Bread Making Tips

Ever since Jon and I got married I've been trying to learn how to make good wheat bread. To say the least... it has been an adventure. We've eaten more dense wheat bricks over the last four years than we have moist, delicious slices of bread. But I'm getting better... much better.

My Dad's new wife is a really good bread maker and over Christmas I watched her make bread. I've discovered that you really have to watch someone make bread to learn how they do it because invariably they don't always follow the recipe or they do something important that they won't ever tell you. Anyway, after her lesson my bread has been turning out so wonderful. I still have a lot to learn about 1,000 more loaves of bread to make before I feel like an expert but I thought I'd share with you some of the things she taught me (or that I've learned from my grandma who is also an bread baker extraordinaire) that have made a big difference in my bread making. Please feel free to add any other tips that you have!

1) Keep your yeast in the freezer and only use SAF yeast. This is the best type of yeast and it keeps longer and best in the freezer not the fridge.

2) Start your bread by adding your warm water, 3 cups of flour, and your yeast. Mix it together on low till it makes a slurry. You can also add in the honey/sugar and oil now too if you want. The slurry seems to make the yeast activate well and I've noticed that if I skip this step my bread won't rise very high.

3) After you have all the ingredients mixed in, except the flour, start the mixer on low and then SLOWLY add the rest of the flour. Don't turn the mixer up to high until you've added quite a bit of flour. The slow setting stretches the gluten fibers in the wheat resulting in moist fluffy bread. When you can tell that your machine is having a hard time mixing it and you can see the gluten fibers stretching then turn it up to high and continue adding the flour slowly.

4) Don't ever follow the recipe to determine how much flour to put in. Just keep adding flour slowly until the dough pulls away from the sides of the bowl. You want enough flour to clean the sides off but not so much that your dough isn't sticky.

5) Let the dough mix on high for 10 min. Don't worry if your dough is semi-sticky because during this ten minuets it will start to get less sticky. If it is still really sticky after five minutes of mixing add a little bit more flour.

6) Don't add your dough enhancer until after all your flour is added and your dough has been kneading for at least 5 minutes. You want to make sure your gluten fibers are good and activated before you add the enhancer.

7) Heat up your oven to about 175 degrees (or just warmish) and then turn it off. Stick your loaves in there to rise. After they have risen leave them in the oven while you heat it up to 350 degrees-- don't count on them rising more once you've heated up the oven because sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. Also if you start the bread in a cold oven you'll need to cook it for five minutes longer than the recipe calls for.

8) Eat at least one slice of bread, preferably with butter and honey, immediately after it comes out of the oven.... oooh, yum!

Okay so there are all my bread making hints. They have made a big difference for me but I know that bread making differs at every elevation and temperature so you might have to experiment to find out what works for you. My dad's wife also suggested taking a bread making class at your local Bosch store which I think would be a great idea because you really have to see bread made well to learn how to make it.

Hmm.. perhaps I should have got a better picture.
I took this picture of the bread a few days after I made it and it had gotten a little squished on top.
So use your imagination and picture it super fresh and steamy.

Here is my favorite bread recipe that I got from my Grandma. It is half white and half wheat and even though I really like whole wheat bread this is by far my favorite because it is usually really moist and light.

My Grandma's Half and Half bread

2 1/2 cups warm water
1 TBSP salt
1/4 cup vegetable oil or applesauce
1/4 cup honey
1 TBSP dough enhancer
1 1/2 TBSP gluten flour
1 TBSP yeast
3 cups white bread flour (not just white flour but BREAD flour-- it really does make a difference)
3 cups whole wheat flour (may need more to get to right consistency)

Let rise for 30 min and bake at 350 degrees for 30 mins.

The Wonder Weeks: Book Review

When Asher was about 9 months old he went through a phase where he wouldn't sleep at night. It just about drove me crazy and resulted in one of my worst nights as a mother. Later my wonderful doula cousin-in-law Liz told me about sleep regression, which happens when a baby is making some huge cognitive developments. I started researching sleep regression and kept stumbling across people who had nothing but praise for this book...

This is really an incredible book. I think it has done more to help me as a mother than any other parenting book I've read...besides the scriptures. The whole premise of the book is that babies go through mental or cognitive growths spurts just like they go through physical growth spurts. Usually a few weeks before a baby makes a physical "leap" forward they also make a mental "leap" forward which is characterized by a fussy, clingy and sleepless baby. This is a time when a baby's whole world is changing and they don't know how to cope with it yet so they cling to what is safe and familiar... mom, milk, being held, dad, etc... This is kind of hard for adults to understand but just imagine if every few months you gained a new sense, like all of a sudden you could hear twice as far or could smell things a half mile away, it would really change your world and make it kind of a scary place. Those are the types of changes a baby goes through every few months and with which they have to learn how to cope. They are the times your baby needs you the most. The book points out several different leap periods (you can see a chart of them here) when babies make the biggest cognitive developments. The dates are based off the baby's conception date so if your baby was born "early" or "late" then the dates might be off 3-6 weeks.

When I picked up this book at the library a few weeks ago Rose was in a really fussy period, she wasn't sleeping well, she always wanted to be held, and she cried about everything. I was kind of going batty. When I read this book I realized that she was right in the middle of the "World of Events" leap and that the reason she was fussy wasn't because she was a "bad" baby or because I was a "bad" mother but because her world was changing and she didn't know how to deal with it. Knowing this COMPLETELY changed the way I approached her fussiness. Instead of getting frustrated and frazzled by her neediness and crying I understood what she was going through and was able to use some of the suggestions the book gave for helping her through her challenging time. It really was incredible. I could almost see the little cogs turning in her head and when she finally emerged on the other side of her fussy period I wasn't surprised at all that she was all of sudden a bit more grown up and aware of how her world worked.

I wish I'd had this book with Asher... it would have saved me a lot of grief. It actually kind of breaks my heart now when I think back how during some of his leap periods I was so frustrated and so at a loss for what to do that I let him cry himself to sleep--- when really what he needed was to know he was safe, loved and that the world wasn't as scary as it appeared. (PS. There are other times I've let him cry it out and haven't felt a bit bad about it, there are times when really he just needed to cry) I don't think he suffered any permanent damage but I just need to remember that now, as a two-year-old, he is still making cognitive "leaps" and that instead of getting frustrated I need to find constructive ways to help him through them. This book helped to remind me that even though my children are little and can't communicate well they are still human beings who have complicated emotions, thoughts and feelings and that it is my job to be patient and to help them make sense of this confusing world.

Here is my little nursling just a few weeks past her "world of events" leap, more grown up and happy then ever. Her next leap is the "world of relationships" and this time I am actually kind of excited for her fussy period because I know what is coming and what I can do to help her.

The Book Project

In my last post I tagged one of the girls that I am working on a book with and I realized that I haven't ever mentioned the project and that most of you don't know what I've been up to... unless of course you see me on a regular basis and then you are probably sick of hearing me talk about it!

Well... back in December I met two incredible ladies through my Women in the Scriptures blog who both write blogs about the spirituality of birth (Mother Earth writes the blog "The Gift of Giving Life" and Buscando la Luz writes the blog "Birth Faith"). I found out that they were collecting birth stories from LDS women who had positive or spiritual experiences during birth and that they were planning on publishing a book for LDS women about the spiritual nature and power of birth. I sent Mother Earth Roses' birth story and chatted with them both through blogs and emails. After reading several of the things I'd written about Eve (here) and Mary (here) on my blog they asked if I would want to contribute to the book. Are you kidding... YES!

We've been collecting stories, sharing ideas and working on drafts the last few months and it has really been an incredible experience working with these amazing women. There are six of us total that are working on the book and we live all over the country. Several of us have never met but through the miracle of the Internet we now feel like good friends. We all have different strengths and perspectives and it is making for a pretty incredible product. Rixa who writes the blog "Stand and Deliver" is another one of the women working on the book and the other two don't have blogs but you can take my word that they are pretty incredible women as well. We are hoping to have the book published in the next year or so and after that there is a movie (along the same lines as the book) in the works and possibly much more. It is really exciting and it feels like God has brought us all together to do something important. I know for me at least it has been a direct answer to my prayers and I am humbled, and a bit intimidated, to be numbered among such amazing women.

The book is going to include stories about women who birth in all different ways-- medicated, home, c-section, unassisted-- and they are still collecting stories. So no matter how you birthed your children if you are LDS and have a spiritual insight to share about pre- conception, pregnancy, labor or postpartum PLEASE send it to ldsbirthstories@gmail.com

Oh, and if you want a little taste of what I am going to be contributing to the book you can read my post "The Importance of Birth" on my other blog.