Soak it All Up and Store it for Later

Lately I've been feeling a great sense of loss. I feel like life is passing by so fast and that time with my little boy is slipping away quicker than I ever imagined it would. I can hardly believe how grown up he is and that soon he is going to be two years old. Not long ago I was reading through some of my past posts and I stumbled across this one that I wrote when Asher was 6 months old. In it I wrote down some of the things I didn't want to forget, and I am really glad that I did because I've already forgotten a lot of what I said I didn't want to forget! This forgetting makes me sad and it makes me wish that I could somehow remember EVERY day and EVERY minute I have with this precious little boy. I know that as he gets older I will have more and more wonderful moments with him, but it is hard to let these moments slip by and not mourn the fact that I will never be able to have them back again. In order to appease this feeling of immense loss I've found myself becoming a little obsessive with the video and film cameras, feeling like I have to document every thing we do and every where we go so that I won't forget about it.

Yet the other day, after trying unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to get a good picture of him checking out the pigs at the County Fair, I realized that in my attempt to make sure I would REMEMBER the moment, I was MISSING the moment. I realized that I wasn't taking the time to enjoy my son or to help him discover something new. So I put my camera in my bag and vowed that for the rest of the evening I would BE with my son, DISCOVER with my son, and ENJOY the moment with my son and you know what... I think that those are the things I am going to remember. Even without my fifteen horrible pictures of him trying to pet a pig, I think that my soul will always remember what it felt like to laugh as I watched him run up and down the stalls squealing and "talking" with the pigs.

This is the best picture I was able to get-- sad huh? Maybe I just need a fancier camera ;)

I've realized that while pictures and videos are wonderful and do a lot to help remind us of certain times, they are poor substitutes for the real memories. Real memories come complete with with emotions, feelings, squeals, kisses, hugs and laughter and are only made when we take time to stop and enjoy the moment. The things that we will really remember, the things that will impress themselves deep upon our souls and our minds are the things that we slow down and take time to soak up into our souls. In fact, I think our souls are much like sponges-- infinite, eternal sponges with no end to how much they can hold. It is just up to us to decide what it is we immerse ourselves in and what it is we choose to soak up into our souls.

I also believe that after we die we will have a perfect recollection of our life here on this earth, including all our thoughts, memories, emotions, and knowledge that we gained while on this earth. It gives me great comfort to know that even though a moment may be lost from my immediate recollection that someday I will have a PERFECT recollection of every moment I spend with my son. I will be able to remember exactly what it feels like to wake up in the morning and have his smiling little face pressed up against mine, I will be able to remember exactly how he roared (yes, roared) when he finally climbed to the top of the slide by himself, and I will remember exactly how much this little boy loves me and how much joy he brings into my life. It has all been soaked up and is stored in my soul... waiting for eternity.